It’s the 24th! I told you to mark this day on your calendars! Drum roll please… 🥁

Dear Diary,

I have so much to say that this entry could be broken up into chapters! 😅 I’ll try and keep everything as concise as possible though, because I know you all have better things to do with your time than read long-ass Diary entries. So here we go:

• I’m home! First thing I did? Get drunk! Next thing I did? Go to sleep! And what did I do after that? Wake up with the mother of all hangovers! Some serious water-intake and multi-hour nappage later and I’m back to normal now, which is good because…
• I drafted the shit out of that woman’s story! In the beginning I was on fire, but then Anne turned on Desperate Housewives and I got distracted to all hell. I love that show! It’s fucking addicting! Speaking of addicting…
• I have a habit of letting my mouth write checks that my ass can’t cash. It’s a disease. An addiction. Me and Anne got to smack-talking and somehow made a bet about who could stay up/go orgasmless the longest. If I win, I get foot rubs for a week. If she wins, I buy her any pack of cigarettes she wants. It starts at 10PM tonight. I’ve slept a ton and masturbated so much I damn near fractured my clitoris, so I think I’m good to go. This is likely going to drone on for days, so be prepared for some really strange social-media interactions. 😁 Oh yeah! Social media…
• A while back Quora asked me to join their partnership program, which basically means they’ll pay you for posting/answering questions. Why they chose me is flabbergasting, but whatever. Anyway, I put it off because I already have too much on my plate as it is, but today I decided fuck it why not. So, I am officially a partner. And my first question was answered by one of my favorite authors, Orson Scott Card! Now about your favorite author (me):
• I told you to mark this day on your calendars, and with good reason. See, I have a habit of writing books way into the future. Books that won’t be released until the date I have set aside for them. Sometimes they get pushed back, but most times they are released on the first of every month exactly when I planned them to. This once, and only this once, I am going to give everyone reading this entry a chance to get an advanced copy of one of these books for free, just by dropping me a private note via any of my social media channels BEFORE I PUBLISH TOMORROWS DIARY ENTRY. Keep in mind you can only choose one. Here’s the list you can pick from:

1. The Qedesha’s Handmaiden
2. Good Girls Gone Bad
3. Voyeur: Season 1, Episode 5
4. Interview With A Werewolf
5. Memoirs of a Nymphomaniac
6. Daddy’s Girl
7. Taboo Love
8. Voyeur: Season 2, Episode 1
9. The Qedesha Trilogy
10. Knocking Up The MILF
11. Naughty Professor
12. The Siren’s Song

I think that’s everything. I feel like I forgot to write something, but fuck it, I’ve written enough.

Thank you for reading and wish me luck in my bet with Anne.

Sleep well, lovers. Cause I won’t. 😏

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

The antechinus, a type of Australian rodent, has sex for about twenty-four hours, after which most males die of exhaustion. The clitoris extends 9cm under the skin.