My assistant negotiates sex with her father’s penis! 😅

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Hitting the ground running

Dear Diary,

It felt absolutely wondrous to jump back into the daily routine of writing. And I finished a lot of it, knocking out the yellow revision of Knocking Up The MILF, working on The Siren’s Song for a bit, and – finally – dived headfirst into Nephilim: Prisoner, the sequel to Nephilim: Daybreak. It felt so good to start it. Tomorrow cannot come quick enough so I can continue.

I also received some fantastic news from the narrator I hired to do the audiobook version of The Qedesha’s Handmaiden. She just uploaded chapters 6,7, and 8, and is currently working on 9,10, and the epilogue now. Which means in the next day or two, she’ll be completely finished. 🙌

I can’t wait!

Also, if you’re a member of my Patreon and want to check out the rough draft of Voyeur Season 1, Episode 5, you can do so here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18358393. While you’re there, you can also check out my recent post, “Why I don’t use publishing houses,” found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18359553.

Yes, I hit the ground running today!

Now if I can just quit sneezing uncontrollably, my day would be phenomenal! 😅

Until tomorrow, my loves…

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

Pigs orgasm for 30 minutes. 😳

Anne’s slayed vagina…

Dear Diary,

“OK, these pants have to come off because they’re slaying my vagina.”

It was that comment that almost ended my life today. 😅

It was just the way Anne said it; you had to have been there. Maybe I should explain just a bit. See, Anne has this habit of running around naked when its just us girls, but I had some business paperwork to sign so I had it delivered to my place. Which meant she had to get dressed.

And she was not happy about it.

And apparently, her pants were slaying her vagina the entire time.

It only took a few minutes, but the second he left she plopped down on the bed and started wiggling out of her pants like they were full of ants. After about three seconds she glared at me and went “OK, these pants have to come off because they’re slaying my vagina. Can you please help me get these off?!” like it was the most severe, crucial thing ever.

I almost died right there. It was beautiful.

Little things like that just make my day.

Writing-wise, I killed it, completely finishing and compiling Voyeur: Season 1, Episode 5 (it’s scheduled to be released August 1st unless you’re a member of my Patreon, in which case you’ll be getting it free next month), getting about halfway through Knocking Up The MILF’s yellow revision, and laying the groundwork for some top-secret author stuff I’ll be announcing soon.

I’ll just say this for now: your girl is branching out!

My personal life, however, was nowhere near as impressive. I made plans to hang with the bestie Sunday, but other than that…boring. Well, with the small exception of Anne’s pants slaying her vagina. I’m not really complaining though. Dull days are nice sometimes. Especially for me, considering how crazy my life usually is.

I’m thinking about getting drunk tonight, I dunno. Drunk Skyrim sounds really appealing. And reading.

Until tomorrow, lov—

Liver: Wait a minute, wench. You promised no more drinking for the rest of the month.

Me: Prove it, motherfucker.

Liver: Fine. Let me check my texts… aaannnddd all my texts from you are gone.

[smiling smugly]

Liver: You deleted them when I was sleeping, didn’t you? Because you knew you were getting plastered tonight.

[smiling smugly]

Liver: I know you did. That’s fucked up. Does honesty mean nothing to you?

[smiling smugly]

Sucka.

Enjoy your weekend, loves.

I know I will.

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

The French national anthem, “La Marseillaise,” derived its title from the enthusiasm of the men of Marseilles, France, who sang it when they marched into Paris at the outset of the French Revolution. Rouget de Lisle, its composer, was an artillery officer. According to his account, he fell asleep at a harpsichord and dreamt the words and the music. Upon waking, he remembered the entire piece from his dream and immediately wrote it down.

The AlexaTrain 🚆

Dear Diary,

My bladder hates me. For some reason, it decided to wake me up last night every couple of hours, right as I was hitting REM. Which is a real problem, because my creativity, enthusiasm and overall quirkiness are all intrinsically tied to the amount of sleep I get.

So, you can guess how I’m feeling today. Tired. Unfocused. Hostile. Oh, and my periods early. So basically, fuck life. 😅

If you know me at all, you know that I’m exaggerating my attitude. One day of jagged sleep isn’t going to derail the AlexaTrain, believe me. Two won’t either. Three? I’m stabbing a motherfucker in the forehead. Drastic jump, I know, but this Diary is all about full disclosure, so whatever. 🔪

Despite my slightly fuzzy outlook, I managed to get a slew of author tasks knocked out, including adding more anime chicks to my website, finishing the yellow revision of Voyeur: Season 1, Episode 5 (the season finale), getting halfway into the yellow revision of my upcoming Disney (🐭) exclusive Knocking Up The MILF, and completely finishing the rough draft of a story I’ve been keeping from everyone, The Siren’s Song. It’s fucking hot. Short, but hot. Like me! 🙌

I also posted something on my Patreon, titled My Daily Schedule, and you can check it out here as soon as you’re done reading this entry: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18282669.

Ugh. Just typing all that out makes me exhausted. I did a lot more today than I thought! 😅

Which is why I’m about to hit the shower and go to bed. I need to sleep. Badly. I don’t want to have a second day of sleeplessness, and no one wants me getting to day three. 🔪🗡🍴

Thank you for reading, loves. ❤

#Alexa

Motherfucker count: 2 (slacking today, apparently)

“Any sex outside of the marriage bond between a man and a woman is violating God’s law.”

– Jerry Falwell

Killing em!

Dear Diary,

I feel so much better than I did yesterday. Whatever hit me went away just as quickly, luckily for me. I really appreciate everyone who took time out of their day to check in on me… it really makes me feel loved. For reals. 😊

I hit the ground running today, not only writing like a beast but making up for the time I missed yesterday. I absolutely killed my writing goals: I finished the green revision of Naughty Professor, the red revision of Knocking Up The MILF, and started work on Voyeur, Season 1 Episode 5 – the last of the season. If you haven’t read any of the Voyeur books yet, you really should – at .99, they’re cheap enough and short enough to slip into easily. You can find the first of them here: https://buff.ly/2GS2vyR

There was also some good news in my email today, mainly that Cramming Sis! Again! is now officially available as an audiobook and the audiobook edition of Phi Beta Pie is finally linked to the eBook and paperback editions! Man was that a long, hard battle! 😅

I’m not sure exactly how much writing I’m going to get done tomorrow since Rebecca (the girlfriend unit) is coming over and I’m going grocery shopping, but I’m going to try and knock out as much as possible after this entry just in case. I think I have an addiction to writing if that’s at all possible. I wonder if an obsession such as that is unhealthy…

Anyway, back down the rabbit hole I go.

Thank you for reading.

#Alexa

“The omnipresent process of sex, as it is woven into the whole texture of our man’s or woman’s body, is the pattern of all the process of our life.”

– Havelock Ellis

Fight me

Dear Diary,

(ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF)

(I reach out and slap it off the table.)

(Which doesn’t silence said alarm clock, of course.)

(I don’t care. It’s farther away from me now, and that’s all that matters.)

(15 Minutes later, big brother slings my door open fully dressed and – as always – smelling good. He reaches down and turns my alarm off, returning it to my table.)

J.C. (said big brother): “Alexa. Get up.”

Me: “Fight me, motherfucker.”

J.C.: (Raises eyebrow.) “Anne’s expecting you. Get up.”

Me: (Reach over and whip cover down beside me, revealing Anne, who is still somehow snot-bubble sleeping.) “Her expectations are pretty low this morning.”

J.C.: (Looking slightly startled) “When did she get here?”

Me: “Right before WrestleMania last night. We watched it together. Make me breakfast.”

J.C.: “Get up first.”

Me: “Make me breakfast first.”

J.C.: “Get up. Then we’ll talk breakfast.”

Me: (Make lower lip quiver, force eyes to water, look up at him.) “Please? My stomach hurts and I don’t feel good and I think I’m coming down with something and I don’t even wanna get up and my whole body hurts and I don’t know why and I love you so much and I don’t ask much and by the way where the fuck is Skynet I can’t find it anywhere I know you hid it please make me a breakfast sandwich and carry me to the kitchen?”

J.C.: (Deadpan voice.) “Seriously?”

(I nod and force a tear to eject from my eye.)

J.C.: “You are entirely too spoiled, you know that?”

Me: (Nodding as he picks me up out of bed like I’m made of paper and begins carrying me to the kitchen.)

Anne: “I want one too.”

Me: “Already on it, girl.”

So yeah. That was actually how my day started. Thing is, I actually didn’t lie to the big brother unit: I feel like someone beat the shit out of me and stuffed me in bed, then gangbanged me senseless twice. I nearly took the day off entirely, but something inside told me not to, so I didn’t. I got up, finished the yellow revision of Naughty Professor, worked on a good chunk of the red revision for Knocking Up The MILF, skipped lunch entirely and took a nap instead (best decision of the day), managed to knock out all of my author tasks, spruced up the website a bit,

and then fell face first in my bed and didn’t move for the rest of the day.

I really hope this goes away tomorrow, as I have too many projects I want to get done and some short time limits to do them in. I guess I’ll see tomorrow if this is just a brief, fleeting thing or if it’s a bonafide sickness.

Cross your fingers, my loves.

And as always, thank you for reading…

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

Amazon River Dolphins are the only species of animal recorded to have engaged in nasal sex.

Reminiscing and productivity ✨

My big brother convinced me I blew my nostril off when I was younger. We were playing video games on his Sega Genesis (I think I was whipping him at Mortal Kombat) and I started sneezing uncontrollably. After a particularly powerful sneeze, he looked at me, dropped his controller, and made this mock terrified sound and started manically looking around on the floor.

He startled me so much that I quit sneezing and asked him what he was doing (after pausing the game so he couldn’t use this as an excuse). It was then he informed me that I sneezed so hard that last time that my nostril flew off. I panicked and dropped to the floor, trying to find it, and when I couldn’t, I went running to find my mother to get her to help me look for it.

My brother had to stand in the corner for an entire half hour as punishment.

Roughly five minutes later I was in the opposite corner for throwing toys at his head. 😁

He got me back shortly after though: we were playing hide and go seek, and I hid in the washer. He found me quickly (I was giggling) but didn’t let me know, and nearly gave me a heart attack by turning the damn thing on for several seconds.

I got him back later that week by framing him for murder though. When our parents came home from work I was in the kitchen, ketchup smeared on my body and butcher knife stuck in between my armpit and arm. He was supposed to be babysitting me but was playing video games in his room instead. My mom freaked, but my father instantly saw through it. I was grounded for a week.

Good times, good times.

I don’t know why, but memories have been flooding my mind today, and since my brother has been out all day I can’t reminisce with him – so you guys get stuck with it. 😁

As far as Saturday’s go, this has been an unusually productive and upbeat one. I wrote on Knocking Up The MILF for about six hours (since I won’t be able to write Monday due to real life bullshit), approved the 15 minute sample for the audiobook version of Amore: A Love Story (the narrator is amazing, I can’t wait for her to finish!), and managed to gain a new Patreon follower!

All in all, a good day.

Thanks for reading. 💋

💌 A trio of good emails, and a new audiobook! 🎵

Today was the day of emails. I received several, and all seemed to contain good news.

Email #1 (Audiobook News)

The audiobook version of Cramming Sis! Again! is complete, and as soon as Audible approves my narrators work, it will be live. They shouldn’t have any problems with it, as she did a fantastic job with it, so I’m expecting it to get their stamp of approval reasonably quickly.

Email #2 (Romance Package!)

Dear Alexa Nichols,

Nephilim: Daybreak is now available to listeners through the Audible Romance Package.

This distribution channel gives Romance Package subscribers unlimited access to thousands of romance audiobooks including yours, while you get paid each time Romance Package Listeners select and listen to your audiobook. Earn each time Audible Romance Listeners select and listen to your audiobook. Get paid for the minutes listened each month based on your share of total minutes listened.

Your earnings for audiobooks accessed in the Romance Package will be reported and paid on a quarterly basis.

Learn More About the Program

We can’t wait to hear your audiobook,

The ACX Team

Email #3 (Phi Beta Pie’s Audiobook)

Hello Alexa,

Thank you for contacting ACX.

I apologize for the delay in response. We’ve recently experienced an increase in volume and have been working to address each inquiry in the order it was received. Thank you for your patience!

I’m sorry to hear you were unable to locate your title, Phi Beta Pie, on the Amazon.com website. We’ve received similar reports of other affected titles. Our teams have been made aware of this issue and are working to address this and correct it as soon as possible.

I have added your title to the list of affected audiobooks and we will be notifying you directly as soon as this issue is resolved. Once again, we appreciate your patience while our teams investigate this.

If we can help with anything else, please let us know. You can reach us by email or phone at 1-888-396-6347. We are available Monday through Thursday, 9am to 7pm Eastern. Have a great day!

All the best,

Jessica

ACX Client Support

Not a bad set of emails to open up this morning. I was about to write to wake up to, but honestly, I haven’t been to sleep yet. Anne spent the night at my place, and for the longest time, I just laid in bed staring at the ceiling and playing with her earlobes (it’s a thing I do, don’t judge). I eventually decided to just get out of bed and write, proceeding to work on Interview With A Werewolf for the next six hours and ultimately finishing its green revision. Which means Monday I’ll put it through its final grammar checking and editing phases and compile it into a book, completely finishing it. Assuming I don’t go apeshit over the weekend thinking of even more things to add to it like I did yesterday. 😅

I spent another hour working on Knocking Up The MILF, and then put writing to the side so I could assassinate some author tasks.

It’s been a busy day.

And I’m about to collapse.

Which means heading to bed early. On a Friday. Growing old sucks. 😳

Know what doesn’t suck? You. Because you took time out of your day to read about my life, and that means a lot to me. So thank you.

I love my Alexaliens.

All of you.

😴