Killing em!

Dear Diary,

I feel so much better than I did yesterday. Whatever hit me went away just as quickly, luckily for me. I really appreciate everyone who took time out of their day to check in on me… it really makes me feel loved. For reals. 😊

I hit the ground running today, not only writing like a beast but making up for the time I missed yesterday. I absolutely killed my writing goals: I finished the green revision of Naughty Professor, the red revision of Knocking Up The MILF, and started work on Voyeur, Season 1 Episode 5 – the last of the season. If you haven’t read any of the Voyeur books yet, you really should – at .99, they’re cheap enough and short enough to slip into easily. You can find the first of them here: https://buff.ly/2GS2vyR

There was also some good news in my email today, mainly that Cramming Sis! Again! is now officially available as an audiobook and the audiobook edition of Phi Beta Pie is finally linked to the eBook and paperback editions! Man was that a long, hard battle! 😅

I’m not sure exactly how much writing I’m going to get done tomorrow since Rebecca (the girlfriend unit) is coming over and I’m going grocery shopping, but I’m going to try and knock out as much as possible after this entry just in case. I think I have an addiction to writing if that’s at all possible. I wonder if an obsession such as that is unhealthy…

Anyway, back down the rabbit hole I go.

Thank you for reading.

#Alexa

“The omnipresent process of sex, as it is woven into the whole texture of our man’s or woman’s body, is the pattern of all the process of our life.”

– Havelock Ellis

Fight me

Dear Diary,

(ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF)

(I reach out and slap it off the table.)

(Which doesn’t silence said alarm clock, of course.)

(I don’t care. It’s farther away from me now, and that’s all that matters.)

(15 Minutes later, big brother slings my door open fully dressed and – as always – smelling good. He reaches down and turns my alarm off, returning it to my table.)

J.C. (said big brother): “Alexa. Get up.”

Me: “Fight me, motherfucker.”

J.C.: (Raises eyebrow.) “Anne’s expecting you. Get up.”

Me: (Reach over and whip cover down beside me, revealing Anne, who is still somehow snot-bubble sleeping.) “Her expectations are pretty low this morning.”

J.C.: (Looking slightly startled) “When did she get here?”

Me: “Right before WrestleMania last night. We watched it together. Make me breakfast.”

J.C.: “Get up first.”

Me: “Make me breakfast first.”

J.C.: “Get up. Then we’ll talk breakfast.”

Me: (Make lower lip quiver, force eyes to water, look up at him.) “Please? My stomach hurts and I don’t feel good and I think I’m coming down with something and I don’t even wanna get up and my whole body hurts and I don’t know why and I love you so much and I don’t ask much and by the way where the fuck is Skynet I can’t find it anywhere I know you hid it please make me a breakfast sandwich and carry me to the kitchen?”

J.C.: (Deadpan voice.) “Seriously?”

(I nod and force a tear to eject from my eye.)

J.C.: “You are entirely too spoiled, you know that?”

Me: (Nodding as he picks me up out of bed like I’m made of paper and begins carrying me to the kitchen.)

Anne: “I want one too.”

Me: “Already on it, girl.”

So yeah. That was actually how my day started. Thing is, I actually didn’t lie to the big brother unit: I feel like someone beat the shit out of me and stuffed me in bed, then gangbanged me senseless twice. I nearly took the day off entirely, but something inside told me not to, so I didn’t. I got up, finished the yellow revision of Naughty Professor, worked on a good chunk of the red revision for Knocking Up The MILF, skipped lunch entirely and took a nap instead (best decision of the day), managed to knock out all of my author tasks, spruced up the website a bit,

and then fell face first in my bed and didn’t move for the rest of the day.

I really hope this goes away tomorrow, as I have too many projects I want to get done and some short time limits to do them in. I guess I’ll see tomorrow if this is just a brief, fleeting thing or if it’s a bonafide sickness.

Cross your fingers, my loves.

And as always, thank you for reading…

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

Amazon River Dolphins are the only species of animal recorded to have engaged in nasal sex.

Fuck Amazon. And whether or not to send noods.

Dear Diary,

The entire theme of my day has to be fuck Amazon. It seems like every spare second of my day has been taken up going back and forth with them over the motherfucking cover for the paperback version of Good Girls Gone Bad, which they swear is either 1) too small or 2) too big. No matter how I resize it or how correct it looks in their previewer, they keep alternating their complaints.

It’s genuinely fucking ridiculous. I should have just left it the way it was.

What’s even more maddening is no matter what I say to them, they just send form letter after form letter, like it’s some kind of automated machine cranking out responses with little to no human interaction. Now that I think about it, that might actually be the case, especially considering the news story that came across my feed this morning about Amazon customers saying they’ve been mysteriously locked out of their accounts — and they have no idea why.

Not that Facebook seems to be doing much better.

But I digress.

Even though I am (at this writing) still going back and forth with Amazon and my bestie is determined to distract me by sending provocative pics of herself while she’s at work (which I almost reposted just to fuck with her), I did manage to completely finish the rough draft of Naughty Professor (you can read it here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/naughty-rough-18013255) and almost complete the revision of When Daddy Was Away. I even managed to dabble a bit in the revised version of Nephilim: Daybreak. It was a good, productive day, Amazon and bestie noods notwithstanding.

Now. To drink or not to drink. That is the motherfucking question…

Liver: Not to drink.

Me: What the fuck? Since when did you start talking?

Liver: Drinking is harmful to your health. What’s the point of all that working out if you’re just going to drink?

Me: Bitch shut up. I let you make it these past couple weeks; you have it coming. Besides, you know I’m trying to write a Diary entry here, right? We can hash this out later.

Liver: I’ll send your noods.

Me: Motherfucker, if I get drunk enough, I’ll send my own noods. And maybe even my vidz.

Liver: …

Me: That’s what I thought. Checkmate, bitch. ✊

#Alexa

“It’s wonderful to be in love. And it’s definitely wonderful to cuddle and have sex and get to experience life with somebody. But it’s OK if you don’t find him and you’re 24. You can find it someday.”

– Leighton Meester

What dat mouf do?!

Dear Diary,

Anne is hostile at the moment. I spent almost all day at the dentist with her because we got tired of waiting for word back from the first place we went to, only to be told that she has something like three dozen things wrong with her mouth that need to be fixed.

She is in for so much pain.

My heart goes out to her.

To make matters worse, I keep harassing her by asking what dat mouf do, and she is about ready to kill me. 😅

She’s not the only one in agony, however: I was only able to write for a few hours today! I didn’t even get to finish Naughty Professor yet, and I was almost positive I would be able to at least pull that off. I did manage to do a few things before we had to go, however, such as talking with several narrators about the audiobook version of Good Girls Gone Bad and getting a good chunk of work done on the revised versions of When Daddy Was Away and Nephilim: Daybreak (in preparation for continuing the series).

Oh, and a note: while the paperback version of Good Girls Gone Bad is finished and available for purchase, please don’t buy it until the changes I fixed go into play tomorrow. I want it perfect for you guys, and the description and cover art are a bit off. I changed it already, but the changes won’t actually go live until tomorrow, so…

Anyway, I’m going to read for a bit and then fling myself in the shower. In case your curious, my current book is Katie’s Story, a really fucked up tale of child sex abuse that makes me hostile to read. And brings up a lot of memories…

Anyway, goodnight for now, loves.

Thank you for reading.

Seriously.

#Alexa

“Sex, sexual dynamics and how we define our sexuality, is one of the major deals in everyone’s life.”

– Molly Parker

Come at me, bro!

Dear Diary,

Life gets me wired up sometimes, like in a hostile come at me, bro! kind of way. There is so much I want to accomplish, but it seems like time just doesn’t give any fucks whatsoever. The more I want to do, the faster time seems to go, making the time I have allotted for each task just whiz by. Coffee doesn’t seem to help matters much; maybe I’ll develop a drug habit. I hear Hugh Hefner was using drugs when he started Playboy magazine. I’ll think about it. Any suggestions? 😅

Anyway, Interview With A Werewolf is finished and off to the Beta Reader Hit Squad, so as soon as they get it back to me, I’ll be queuing it for release. Motherfuckers on Patreon will get it ASAP, of course, but everyone else will have to wait until February of next year. My release schedule is just that full.

I’m writing my little ass off over here! 🙌

I also finished and uploaded the paperback version of Good Girls Gone Bad (which is officially available for July 1st preorder) and will hire a narrator for the audiobook version tomorrow; as soon as they approve the paperback, I’ll let you guys know. It looks slick. I’m really learning how to pimp the hell out of their paperback creation system. It’s all white, with a new picture of me—you’ll see. Soon. I’m also almost finished with Naughty Professor (you can read it’s rough draft here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/17955605) – tomorrow should be the day. It would have been done today, but I kept getting hit up with side tasks. I can’t complain though. One has to pay the cost to be the boss, right?

I just wish my girlfriend Rebecca understood this. She’s kind of going through a clingy stage at the moment, which generally I wouldn’t mind (and completely understand), but I’ve been so swamped with things lately that my free time has been whittled away to nearly zero. If this were any other time of the month, it would be different, but the first few days are always insane for me. I think sometime soon I’m going to just take a complete day off and take her out somewhere because she really deserves it for putting up with my bougie ass.

That’s all for now.

More tasks to do! ✊

Thanks for reading, my loves…

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know…

The average erection contains enough blood to keep three gerbils alive.

A busy wench

 This has been a weird day. My internet has been continually shutting on and off, Patreon is doing something strange with my supporter payments (😳), and my brother has been bizarrely emo all day. I’ve been trying to spend as much time with him as I can while still getting things accomplished, but when his issues are with your assistant (who also happens to be his fiancée) and an old friend (who happens to be his ex, and also a writer), things become slightly complicated.

And then there’s my first of the month tasks, a good chunk of which spilled over from yesterday and are still not finished.

As strange and full as the day was, I still managed to be a little productive: I worked on the rough draft of Naughty Professor for a little over three hours (almost finishing it), and uploaded Good Girls Gone Bad for a July 1st prerelease. They’ve apparently already approved it since it has an ASIN number and everything, so preorder it now! 😍 Tomorrow I’ll be fixing the weird book description text that is spaced all to hell for some reason and creating the paperback/hiring a narrator for the audiobook.

I am one busy wench!

Speaking of being a busy wench.

I worked with my web dude (who is the most impressive web dude in history, FYI) to get Soundcloudlinked to the audiobooks section of the website. So from now on when you go there you’ll see a widget on the very top that will allow you to play a sample of all my audiobooks; if you go to a books blown up description page, you’ll see it’s audiobook widget on the top of that, too. It’s beautiful, and I love it. He did a miraculous job!

Topic switch.

Apparently, I got quite a few of you yesterday with my April Fool’s Day joke about getting banned by Amazon. 😅 You guys should have known better! First of all, I’m way too slick would never do anything to give them a reason to ban me, so you guys have nothing to worry about. And as far as retiring goes, that is so not going to happen – I love writing way too much. Throw in getting paid for it and it’s just too enticing of a tincture not to drink. I would never just quit. I make take breaks occasionally, but quit? Hell no.

You motherfuckers are stuck with me.

Anyway, I still have more tasks to assassinate, so until tomorrow, my loves,

I am…