Good news, bad news, kinky news, and pussy points

Dear Diary,

So, I have some good news, some bad news, and some kinky news.

Da Good News

• I didn’t wake up with a hangover. 🙌
• Amazon must have read my Diary entry last night because roughly 15 minutes after I published it they accepted the paperback edition of Good Girls Gone Bad. If you just can’t wait until the eBook version comes out on July 1st, you can buy the paperback version here: https://buff.ly/2qeJxMg.
• My new revision of When Daddy Was Away, which includes a new cover, tons of grammatical corrections and an updated aesthetic can be bought here: https://buff.ly/2GEktsd. For those of you who already purchased the book, you should be able to go into your Kindle and get the updated version for free. At least that’s what Amazon tells me. I Note that the paperback and audiobook cover and content are still the same; this will be changed Monday. I’m not doing shit this weekend work-wise. Refuse. Which leads me to…

Da Bad News

• I have been feeling utterly lethargic all day, and I have no idea why. I wanted to get some writing done, but my energy is just Maybe I just need to chill and be lazy for a few days.
• My big brother has been in a foul mood all day, and he refuses to tell me why. I even tried spider monkeying him. Didn’t work. That almost always works. See, I just latch onto him and refuse to get off until he spills the beans. Motherfuckers so massive I think he just forgets I’m there sometimes (😅) but eventually he always gives in. But not today. He’s just been loafing around, not saying much, watching TV – which is really weird for him. I tried contacting his girlfriend, but she won’t answer my messages. Something’s going on…
• My ovaries hurt. 😳 Well, metaphorically. I don’t know why, but everything has been making me think of babies lately. Like, not just babies, but having a baby. I would be the world’s worst mother though as emotional and mentally unstable as I am. Which, strangely enough, kind of segways into…

Da Kinky News

• Yeah, so I posted some pictures last night that maybe I shouldn’t have on Twitter and other social media accounts. And to be honest, I’m not sorry. Don’t be shocked. You knew who I was when you met me. 😅
• So did Rebecca (the girlfriend unit). I woke up this morning to a message from her asking if I had fun last night. See, I’m a girl, so (spoiler alert) I know this is a trick question – there is no real right answer to it. So, I did what anyone in my situation probably would have done: I lied like a rug. I told her that (taking a deep breath) I was just drinking because I had so much on my mind this past week, and how I missed her so much because she’s been working so many hours leaving me with no one to really talk to and open up with and that instead of going out and trying to have fun I stayed in with Anne and drank instead because I didn’t want to do anything foolish.
• I could practically hear the pussy points* racking up as the conversation went on.
• She bought it (and no, she doesn’t read my diary, so I’m not self-snitching), and even felt sorry for me.
• This is how you talk your way out of the doghouse, motherfuckers. Go buy one of my books as thanks. 😅 http://alexanichols.com/books/.

Oh, and just so you know, I posted an interesting article on Patreon today: “My first job, and how it made me the author I am today…”. You can read it here: https://buff.ly/2Jty8Ab. Go give it a look.

And.

I am so excited.

Tomorrow is the big day.

Why is it a big day, and what’s going to happen?

Tune in tomorrow to find out…

😉

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

Kangaroos have three vaginas

* Pussy Points: An intangible medium of exchange frequently traded for various acts of sexual congress.

Fuck Amazon. And whether or not to send noods.

Dear Diary,

The entire theme of my day has to be fuck Amazon. It seems like every spare second of my day has been taken up going back and forth with them over the motherfucking cover for the paperback version of Good Girls Gone Bad, which they swear is either 1) too small or 2) too big. No matter how I resize it or how correct it looks in their previewer, they keep alternating their complaints.

It’s genuinely fucking ridiculous. I should have just left it the way it was.

What’s even more maddening is no matter what I say to them, they just send form letter after form letter, like it’s some kind of automated machine cranking out responses with little to no human interaction. Now that I think about it, that might actually be the case, especially considering the news story that came across my feed this morning about Amazon customers saying they’ve been mysteriously locked out of their accounts — and they have no idea why.

Not that Facebook seems to be doing much better.

But I digress.

Even though I am (at this writing) still going back and forth with Amazon and my bestie is determined to distract me by sending provocative pics of herself while she’s at work (which I almost reposted just to fuck with her), I did manage to completely finish the rough draft of Naughty Professor (you can read it here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/naughty-rough-18013255) and almost complete the revision of When Daddy Was Away. I even managed to dabble a bit in the revised version of Nephilim: Daybreak. It was a good, productive day, Amazon and bestie noods notwithstanding.

Now. To drink or not to drink. That is the motherfucking question…

Liver: Not to drink.

Me: What the fuck? Since when did you start talking?

Liver: Drinking is harmful to your health. What’s the point of all that working out if you’re just going to drink?

Me: Bitch shut up. I let you make it these past couple weeks; you have it coming. Besides, you know I’m trying to write a Diary entry here, right? We can hash this out later.

Liver: I’ll send your noods.

Me: Motherfucker, if I get drunk enough, I’ll send my own noods. And maybe even my vidz.

Liver: …

Me: That’s what I thought. Checkmate, bitch. ✊

#Alexa

“It’s wonderful to be in love. And it’s definitely wonderful to cuddle and have sex and get to experience life with somebody. But it’s OK if you don’t find him and you’re 24. You can find it someday.”

– Leighton Meester

Anne squirting and why Facebook sucks ass

Dear Diary,

Anne and I apparently have abandonment issues. She went to her doctor’s appointment today to get the results of a blood test she took several weeks back (results: bougie-itis) and even though I usually go with her, I stayed behind so I could work on author stuff – mainly the fine-tuning of Good Girls Gone Bad. I felt terrible about not going with her, but I’ve been falling behind on so much these past few days due to Real Life… Anyway, while she was gone we bombed each other on Facebook Messenger, and I learned three very interesting things:

1. Apparently, when she’s being silly, she will threaten to squirt on you as a form of attack.
2. Our meme game is intense. We had a period of almost a half hour where we were sending each other nothing but memes.
3. Facebook Messenger will not allow you to send someone a link to a porn video.

This last one really threw us off. I mean, what the fuck? We’re both adults. We’re both friends. We can’t send a link to a porn video to each other?! (If you’re wondering why, it’s because I was drafting out a lesbian-ish threesome scene and needed some inspiration. You can watch the video yourself here: https://www.xvideos.com/video959510/threesome_with_a_guy_and_two_teen_girls). I mean, the video isn’t even that bad as far as porn goes!

So, me being me, I did a little research. I found the following articles:

• https://444.hu/2016/11/14/facebook-is-reading-your-private-messages-and-blocks-you-if-it-doesnt-like-the-link-you-send-to-your-friends
• https://www.timeslive.co.za/sunday-times/business/2018-04-05-facebook-scans-the-photos-and-links-of-your-private-messenger-texts/
• https://www.facebook.com/help/community/question/?id=248656601995186

It seems I’m becoming more and more disenchanted with Facebook every day. I may just pull an Elon Musk and delete my Facebook altogether. I dunno.

Anyway, back down the rabbit hole I go!

Until tomorrow, my loves…

#Alexa

The More You Know

Human males ejaculate at 27mph.

What dat mouf do?!

Dear Diary,

Anne is hostile at the moment. I spent almost all day at the dentist with her because we got tired of waiting for word back from the first place we went to, only to be told that she has something like three dozen things wrong with her mouth that need to be fixed.

She is in for so much pain.

My heart goes out to her.

To make matters worse, I keep harassing her by asking what dat mouf do, and she is about ready to kill me. 😅

She’s not the only one in agony, however: I was only able to write for a few hours today! I didn’t even get to finish Naughty Professor yet, and I was almost positive I would be able to at least pull that off. I did manage to do a few things before we had to go, however, such as talking with several narrators about the audiobook version of Good Girls Gone Bad and getting a good chunk of work done on the revised versions of When Daddy Was Away and Nephilim: Daybreak (in preparation for continuing the series).

Oh, and a note: while the paperback version of Good Girls Gone Bad is finished and available for purchase, please don’t buy it until the changes I fixed go into play tomorrow. I want it perfect for you guys, and the description and cover art are a bit off. I changed it already, but the changes won’t actually go live until tomorrow, so…

Anyway, I’m going to read for a bit and then fling myself in the shower. In case your curious, my current book is Katie’s Story, a really fucked up tale of child sex abuse that makes me hostile to read. And brings up a lot of memories…

Anyway, goodnight for now, loves.

Thank you for reading.

Seriously.

#Alexa

“Sex, sexual dynamics and how we define our sexuality, is one of the major deals in everyone’s life.”

– Molly Parker

Come at me, bro!

Dear Diary,

Life gets me wired up sometimes, like in a hostile come at me, bro! kind of way. There is so much I want to accomplish, but it seems like time just doesn’t give any fucks whatsoever. The more I want to do, the faster time seems to go, making the time I have allotted for each task just whiz by. Coffee doesn’t seem to help matters much; maybe I’ll develop a drug habit. I hear Hugh Hefner was using drugs when he started Playboy magazine. I’ll think about it. Any suggestions? 😅

Anyway, Interview With A Werewolf is finished and off to the Beta Reader Hit Squad, so as soon as they get it back to me, I’ll be queuing it for release. Motherfuckers on Patreon will get it ASAP, of course, but everyone else will have to wait until February of next year. My release schedule is just that full.

I’m writing my little ass off over here! 🙌

I also finished and uploaded the paperback version of Good Girls Gone Bad (which is officially available for July 1st preorder) and will hire a narrator for the audiobook version tomorrow; as soon as they approve the paperback, I’ll let you guys know. It looks slick. I’m really learning how to pimp the hell out of their paperback creation system. It’s all white, with a new picture of me—you’ll see. Soon. I’m also almost finished with Naughty Professor (you can read it’s rough draft here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/17955605) – tomorrow should be the day. It would have been done today, but I kept getting hit up with side tasks. I can’t complain though. One has to pay the cost to be the boss, right?

I just wish my girlfriend Rebecca understood this. She’s kind of going through a clingy stage at the moment, which generally I wouldn’t mind (and completely understand), but I’ve been so swamped with things lately that my free time has been whittled away to nearly zero. If this were any other time of the month, it would be different, but the first few days are always insane for me. I think sometime soon I’m going to just take a complete day off and take her out somewhere because she really deserves it for putting up with my bougie ass.

That’s all for now.

More tasks to do! ✊

Thanks for reading, my loves…

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know…

The average erection contains enough blood to keep three gerbils alive.

A busy wench

 This has been a weird day. My internet has been continually shutting on and off, Patreon is doing something strange with my supporter payments (😳), and my brother has been bizarrely emo all day. I’ve been trying to spend as much time with him as I can while still getting things accomplished, but when his issues are with your assistant (who also happens to be his fiancée) and an old friend (who happens to be his ex, and also a writer), things become slightly complicated.

And then there’s my first of the month tasks, a good chunk of which spilled over from yesterday and are still not finished.

As strange and full as the day was, I still managed to be a little productive: I worked on the rough draft of Naughty Professor for a little over three hours (almost finishing it), and uploaded Good Girls Gone Bad for a July 1st prerelease. They’ve apparently already approved it since it has an ASIN number and everything, so preorder it now! 😍 Tomorrow I’ll be fixing the weird book description text that is spaced all to hell for some reason and creating the paperback/hiring a narrator for the audiobook.

I am one busy wench!

Speaking of being a busy wench.

I worked with my web dude (who is the most impressive web dude in history, FYI) to get Soundcloudlinked to the audiobooks section of the website. So from now on when you go there you’ll see a widget on the very top that will allow you to play a sample of all my audiobooks; if you go to a books blown up description page, you’ll see it’s audiobook widget on the top of that, too. It’s beautiful, and I love it. He did a miraculous job!

Topic switch.

Apparently, I got quite a few of you yesterday with my April Fool’s Day joke about getting banned by Amazon. 😅 You guys should have known better! First of all, I’m way too slick would never do anything to give them a reason to ban me, so you guys have nothing to worry about. And as far as retiring goes, that is so not going to happen – I love writing way too much. Throw in getting paid for it and it’s just too enticing of a tincture not to drink. I would never just quit. I make take breaks occasionally, but quit? Hell no.

You motherfuckers are stuck with me.

Anyway, I still have more tasks to assassinate, so until tomorrow, my loves,

I am…