The gravitational pull of Anne’s ass and the calm before the storm

Dear Diary,

I think Anne’s ass fractured my hand. Here’s how it went down: we woke up this morning and as she was getting out of bed the gravitational pull of her ass forced my hand to whip out and smack it. Now keep in mind she sleeps naked, so there were no clothes to soften the blow. It was brutal; it could have been career-ending. 😳

And then she had the audacity to turn around and blame me, like it was my fault or something. Some people have no sympathy – or understanding of science. It’s amazing I’m even able to write this entry. She’s out getting alcohol for me as I write this to try and ease the pain.

Of course, getting drunk might not be the smartest thing to do considering tomorrow is the first of the month, and I have about several dozen tasks that will be due. But whatever. Tomorrow will deal with itself, right?

Before I go: Facebook has apparently been on a censoring rampage with my Diary entries all of a sudden, so if you comment on anything there, I may or may not see it. Also, my web dude fixed the issues with the comments box, so you should be able to leave comments without an error. If any of you are still having problems, please let me know. Finally, tomorrow is the day Good Girls Gone Bad launches, so don’t forget to grab yourself a copy. I would appreciate it. 😊

I hope all of you are enjoying your weekend so far.

Time to go get drunk! 🍻

#Alexa

“It’s not an anti-sex trip. Like, we’re taking sex, which is probably another half of American entertainment, sex and violence, and we’re projecting it, and we’re saying this is the way everything is right now.”

– Alice Cooper

An emo entry. A horny entry.

Dear Diary,

Is it possible to be just friends with someone that you’re sexually attracted to? That’s the thought that has been dominating my mind most of the day, triggered by Rebecca contacting me this morning with an uncharacteristically sweet and slightly kinky message. And picture. 😳

It threw me off my game a bit, I admit.

It’s a lot harder being single than I thought it would be, especially when it comes to things of a more carnal nature. I mean, I could easily get that itch scratched, but

1. I’m not promiscuous, and
2. All the diseases floating around out there have me scared as hell.

Maybe I should start thinking about a friends with benefits type of situation. I have male friends, and I’m reasonably confident that they would bone…but most of my bonable male friends are already taken, and I refuse to be a catalyst for cheating.

Of course, I could sack a female friend, but that’s not what I’m…craving…right now. You know what I mean? Some of you are very lucky you don’t live near me. 😅

Anyway, I’m announcing something big this weekend on Patreon, so if you’re a member keep your eyes peeled. With the mood I’ve been in lately I’ll probably also post some provocative pictures, so make sure your notifications are turned on in the Patreon app. There may or may not be alcohol involved. 🍻

Hopefully, I’ll be able to wiggle my way out of this hospital visit too, so wish me luck.

Anyway, sorry for the emo entry, but this is my Diary after all. Sometimes entries will be like that. 😊

I love you.

All of you.

Dream of me.

#Alexa

“Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.”

– James A. Baldwin

P.S.: If you haven’t yet, go answer my latest poll on Twitter: “If you had sex with your clone, would that be incest, masturbation, or something else? 🤔” Inquiring minds want to know. (https://twitter.com/AlexaNichols69/status/1012753286003412997)

Return of my inner hood rat

Dear Diary,

Let me tell you why I hate bitches, yo. I got into a verbal smackdown with one of Anne’s friends today, and this time I didn’t even start it, I swear. Long story short: one of her friends (we’ll call her Bougie) came and spent the night at her house the other day (I was there too), and her boyfriends pissed for some reason – mainly because Bougie’s homegirl (we’ll call her Bougetta) filled his head with all sorts of lesbianish thoughts.

Well.

Bougie called this morning, and Anne put her on speakerphone. Bougie then proceeded to tell her that she told her homegirl Bougetta that Anne was going to beat her ass if she kept telling her boyfriend lies about her. I snatched the phone and told Bougie if she ever tries to put Anne in a situation with someone else over her bitch-ass boyfriend then not only will I beat his ass, but I’m beating her ass next.

She was shocked. Her first words: “Me? What did I do?!”

She honestly had no clue. So I repeated myself and called her a few choice words, then hung up.

She didn’t call back.

It took me a long time to calm down from that. I was more pissed than Anne was. I’ve always been protective over Anne though, mainly because I’ve known the girl for almost 15 years now, and people have continuously tried to take advantage of her love and trust. She’s far too sweet and forgiving for her own good. That’s why she needs a hood rat like me in her corner. ✊

Anyway.

I’m exhausted. But I did get a lot of writing done today once I managed to calm down. Which is a good thing, because unfortunately, it looks like I may be going to the hospital this weekend as medically I’m not getting much better and my big brother and Richie are essentially forcing me. I’ll keep everyone updated, especially you unlucky motherfuckers on Patreon. You poor souls will be hearing everything. 😅 I’m creating a thread just to document this shit if I have to go. Dead serious. I fucking hate the hospital. I’m going to need the company to stay sane.

Speaking of Patreon motherfuckers: have you read my exclusive interview with the legendary author Piers Anthony yet? It’s this month’s Patreon Perk, available to all tiers, and can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/19736033 Go check it out!

Now back to the hospital ordeal. I may get drunk tomorrow before I go just to piss my brother off. We’ll see. 😏

Until tomorrow, my loves.

This little hood rat loves you.

Remember that.

#Alexa

“I prefer love over sex.”

– Enrique Iglesias

Tired day (Anne’s Entry)

We up this morning I cook breakfast this morning Alexa had oatmeal and biscuit eggs and cheese and butter. And I biscuit eggs and cheese with jelly. And Alexa work most of day I was watching my show. Then we took a long nap. Her right eye is red. I went to 7 Eleven I got us Nacho’s and I got Burger and mountain dew. We are full. I watching ice love Coco and Alexa, play her game. How is everyone out there today. It so hot outside. I been in side staying cool… Have a great night sweet dreams sleep tight everyone.

Sometimes the universe conspires against you

Dear Diary,

I put the nail in the coffin to Voyeur: Season 2, Episode 2, created a Patreon quick reference chart for the rewards each tier gets and when, and finished off next month’s newsletter. And then, just to put the proverbial cherry on top, I signed a few books for a Patreonsubscriber and processed all the email that had been building up these past few days. I figured I deserved a bit of a rest since I’m still nowhere near 100% yet.

So I stripped naked, turned all the lights off, and jumped in bed with Anne (who was already snoring away).

And then her phone rang – some spam call in Spanish. And then her phone rang again – her doctor confirming today’s appointment. And then again – the place doing her MRI tomorrow informing her that her insurance is refusing to pay for it. And then my phone went off – unidentified number (I never answer those). And then someone knocked on her door with a package, requiring me to scramble-dress.

I finally just said fuck it and went back to the computer to start on tomorrows author tasks.

A bit of self-reflection here: I’m not the kind of person that was designed to simply not do anything. Even if I try, it never works out for me. It’s like the universe is conspiring against me or something. 😭

Anyway.

The end of the month is coming.

Which means the release of another book, in this case a collection entitled Good Girls Gone Bad. It also means the onslaught of author tasks, so don’t be expecting to hear much from me until after the first. 😭 Regardless, know this: I love all of you. And you are straight-up rock stars for reading. 🤘

Thank you.

For reals.

#Alexa

“What do I know about sex? I’m a married man.”

– Tom Clancy

Steam Made Me It’s Bitch

Dear Diary,

As many of you know, Steam is having a Summer sale. I’ve posted about it. Complained about it. Checked it out about twice a day since it started. And as a lot of you know, I’m also a hardcore gamer. Usually these two things would be a deadly combination, but my willpower is strong, so for a while, I was doing OK. I wasn’t spending any money, repeating the mantra that the thousands of games I currently have spread across roughly a dozen systems was enough.

Then Steam sent me an email telling me that almost everything on my Wish List was on sale. 😭

To make a long story short, here’s the damage that was done:

Icewind Dale: Enhanced Edition – $3.99

Baldur’s Gate: Enhanced Edition – $4.99

Harvester – $1.49

Leisure Suit Larry – Magna Cum Laude Uncut and Uncensored – $2.99

The Chosen RPG – $0.49

Sakura Angels – $2.99

Sakura Spirit – $2.49

If My Heart Had Wings – $3.74

Baldur’s Gate 2 Enhanced Edition Steam Store and Retail Key – $4.99

Arcanum – $3.89

Planescape: Torment: Enhanced Edition – $4.99

Dark Elf – $1.35

The Heiress – $1.35

Killing Time – $0.50

Mariko: Hot Nightlife – $0.47

What is love? – $0.71

Yuko: tragic love story – $0.71

Cheerleader: reverse side of life – $0.47

Woodstock 1969 – $0.47

X-ray hospital – $1.19

TOTAL: $44.26

I’m of two minds of this. The first: those are some fantastic fucking prices yo! 😳 The second, of course, is that I really didn’t need all those motherfucking games. I ended up justifying it by telling myself that it’s an early birthday present. Of course, my birthday is a little under two months away (August 23) but still. I feel better about it. And there is absolutely nothing else on Steam I want (my Wish List is empty) so I’m content.

Now I just need to write my ass off to make up for the splurge. So go buy more motherfucking books! Or join Patreon! Anything! 😅

Fuck it. I rarely splurge, especially on myself, so every once in a while is OK, right? Right?!

Until tomorrow, my loves…

#Alexa

“I hate the whole reluctant sex-symbol thing. It’s such bull. You see these dudes greased up, in their underwear, talking about how they don’t want to be a sex symbol.”

– Ben Affleck

How Anne Tried to Kill Me

Dear Diary,

I’m not entirely recovered from Anne’s murder attempt yet (AKA the onslaught of malady that has been relentlessly attacking me these past few days), but I’m going absolutely crazy not doing anything creative so-

Hi! 🤗

I caught up on all my tasks that had been building up (and they were legion) and worked on Voyeur Season 2 Episode 2 for several hours, then spent a ridiculous amount of time spot-cleaning the house and mapping out upgrades to my Patreon (and posting a picture of me wearing my new Star Wars panties 😏). Everything considered, it was a fantastically productive day, which means tomorrow won’t be as insane as I thought it would be.

Now, about Anne trying to kill me.

It all started with a toothache.

I really need to go to the dentist, but I keep putting it off because, well, I hate dentists. Maybe hate is too light of a word. Antipathy? I dunno. Anyway, apparently I got a gum infection of some sort because my gums started hurting like all hell and I got the mother of all migraines, so Anne recommended Amoxicillin (which she had laying around) since it’s an antibiotic. So I took three 500mg pills roughly six hours apart.

My body apparently doesn’t like Amoxicillin, because I started to feel a weird numbness on the right side of my face by the end of the day, and the next morning it was completely numb and immovable. I did some research online and discovered that some people experience this as a side-effect of Amoxicillin if taken in high doses when you first start, especially if it isn’t needed or prescribed to you.

The good news: it annihilated my migraine.

The bad news: I can’t move the right side of my face.

Something you might not know about me: I clean my ears religiously. All the time. To the point where my doctors constantly tell me its unhealthy. They say a certain amount of earwax should be in my ear, that its healthy for it to be there, but I can’t help it. I feel disgusting if I have earwax. So I was cleaning it out the day half my face decided to quit working and apparently went too deep and…

I think I accidentally bruised or even ruptured my eardrum, because it hurts like all hell and the muscles following my right jawline are swollen.

And my right eye looks demonic since I can’t all the way close it to blink. Which has made showering fun. And I now eat like a cavewoman, as half of my mouth refuses to chew. 🙄

These past few days have sucked ovaries.

But sitting around doing nothing but healing is killing me, which is why I decided to treat today as a work day instead of a typical #ButtNakedSunday. And I’m glad I did. Maybe I’ll make up for it tomorrow and have a #ButtNakedMonday. 😅

I said all that to say this: I’m not healthy, and I’m not anywhere near 100%, but I’m back.

These stories aren’t going to write themselves…

#Alexa

“I was asked to be in Vogue but I said no. I didn’t want to advertise make-up. I didn’t want to be seen as a sex symbol.”

– Francesca Annis

The hardest part about being me…

Dear Diary,

Want to know what the hardest part about being me is? My tenacity. Some people try and put a negative spin on it by calling it stubbornness, but then some people believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so…

Why is my tenacity the hardest thing about being me? Well, when it comes to thing’s like being sick or migraines, it makes me push myself – hard – even though I know I should be letting my body heal and rest. I still write, deal with the business side of things, and stay active on Patreon and social media. As a result, it ends up taking me twice as long to get better. In fact, as I write this, my migraine still hasn’t entirely left yet. 😐

Thing is though, I like being this way – regardless of what Anne, my big brother unit, or anyone else says.

Weak motherfuckers. 😅

That being said, I’m about to go slither into a hot bath so I can dunk my head for a bit until the pain goes away. 😥

I love you all.

And as always, thank you for reading.

#Alexa

“I need more sex, OK? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world.”

– Angelina Jolie

Drunk Night (Anne’s Entry)

I went to the store for my best friend and I got her 211 from 7Eleven and I got me some ice cream lighter and my cigarette I won for staying up long. I watched Alexa a way today. And she is eating last pizza from Papa John’s we didn’t like the pizza. How is everyone out there? I am going to catch up with Alexa on the skins the TV series. We love that show. I can’t wait for Riverdale come back on. Who watch that show… Have a great night sweet dreams sleep tight.

#Anne

#ButtNakedSunday

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was not my favorite #ButtNakedSunday by a long shot. I spent it naked, yes (as my Patreon subscribers can see), but I also spent it fighting a budding migraine. It started the night before, and yesterday it decided to blossom. The only thing that seemed to make it go away was standing under a hot shower.

Which I did about half a dozen times yesterday.

Luckily today it wasn’t as bad as yesterday, so I decided to try and be productive. I can’t just not write – I have so many stories I want to tell, especially Nephilim and my Loliverse, the two loves of my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I actually finish the Nephilim series. It’s going to be weird…

Before I go, I wanted to give a public thank you to my newest Voyeur Patreon, Johnny. You rock! ❤

Anyway, back under the hot shower stream for me. I may even take pictures again. 😉

#Alexa

“Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.”

– John Barrymore

Sibling war!

Dear Diary,

Yeah, I started it. Not that I meant to, of course (😇), but once I commit to something, it’s hard for me to back down. See, it all started because Anne and I were curious as to what would happen if I put orange juice in my vaporizer. I put coffee in it a while back (I don’t recommend it 😳) and I figured orange juice, with its deliciousness and natural sweet odor, would be a much better match.

Fuck was I wrong.

Not only did it stink up the house with the most putrid, maleficent odor, but it woke my brother up from his nap and caused him to barrel into my room like a something straight out of my Nephilim series (always plug the merch!). Which, of course, forced me to jump out of bed and get in his face…

It was ugly.

Anne couldn’t quit laughing.

The rest of my day wasn’t nearly as entertaining. I played some Skyrim, Pokémon, and HuniePop, then read some – all while trying to nurse a headache that came out of nowhere. (I think it might have been the vaporizer)

Hopefully, your Saturday was better than mine.

Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting…

#Alexa

“Most of the time when you’re around the opposite sex, you kinda have to put on a show and not completely be yourself.”

– Blac Chyna

Skyrim can now be played on – me?!

Dear Diary,

HOLY SHIT Y’ALL I JUST FOUND OUT YOU CAN LEGIT PLAY SKYRIM ON AMAZON ALEXA! Which I don’t have, of course, so I ended up downloading the Alexa app to my phone to test this out. It’s fucking awesome. It threw me straight into my Dungeons & Dragons playing days, and I spent way more time testing it than I should have. But it was so fucking fun!

Thanks to my homie-g DJay on Goodreads for hipping me up to this; I saw the advertisement for it but assumed (like a lot of other people did) that it was just a joke. It’s really not. Motherfucker even saves your game when you exit. I mean, it’s a tongue-in-cheek kind of Skyrim, but it’s still a playable game.

I suggested it to Tara Babcock for her gaming channel; we’ll see if she does it or not. Peer pressure her!

Yeah, Skyrim on Alexa was definitely the highlight of my day, if you can’t tell. I’m such a fucking nerd. 😅

Speaking of being a nerd. I finally finished my writing project with my erotica pen name, which means by Tuesday I might get to actually write! I’m going to completely finish Voyeur: Season 2, Episode 2, then finish a few smaller projects by other pen names, and then – AND THEN – the Nephilim series! And then my Loliverse! Bwahahahahaha!

For now though? The weekend! Hit me up. Especially if you’re on Patreon, the only app I have running on my phone’s background 24/7. Tell me what you’ll be playing/watching this weekend. I love hearing from you guys. 😊

Love you all.

Siempre.

#Alexa

“Obviously there is no such thing as race, and in many ways, sex is a continuum, not a binary. So it doesn’t make sense to label people in that way.”

– Gloria Steinem

Fucking. Exhausted.

Dear Diary,

Imagine oatmeal. Freshly cooked, in a bowl, with nothing else added. Now imagine letting that oatmeal cool on the counter until it solidifies a bit, and then pick its bowl up and turn it over until it plops out all over the counter.

That’s how my brain feels right now. 😳

I spent the entire day today doing work for my erotica pen name (you Patreon motherfuckers know who I’m talking about), finishing up her latest story, setting up her email, and creating her Facebook, Twitter, and Google Plus accounts. And then programming advertisement posts for the entirety of next month in Buffer. I also revised/reuploaded all her books to include her new social media information, along with her catalog of books thus far. I wanted to upload a new book of hers, but my cover team isn’t finished with the cover for it yet, so…

Still. All this crap took just shy of nine hours.

My brain feels like mush. I hate the business side of writing with a passion, but it has to be done to sell books. It’s mind-numbing, but it’s definitely worth it.

To kind of wind down a bit, Anne and I ordered McDonald’s through UberEATS, and were pleasantly surprised to find that they forgot our straws, her Chicken McNuggets dipping sauces, and my entire fucking hamburger. Which is interesting, because the hamburger was, like, half the order. So we contacted UberEATS (who has excellent customer service, by the way) and they had McDonald’s redeliver the hamburger and dipping sauces.

They forgot the dipping sauces. 😳

I just said fuck it. It reminds me of the time several months ago when Anne ordered a chicken sandwich – and they forgot the chicken. Seriously. They had the entire sandwich made up, minus any kind of patty. It’s like, motherfuckers, you have one job…

Anyway.

My day has been nothing compared to my homiegirl Tara Babcock’s though. Do me a favor and stop by Tara Babcock’s Twitter page and show her some love. She’s going through a bunch of drama with YouTube right now, and I bet she would really appreciate the encouragement/support/dick pics. Tell her Alexa sent you. 😅

Anyway, tomorrow will probably be more of the same with the whole pen name thing, which means Monday I’ll be able to get back to actual writing. I can’t fucking wait…

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

According to sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson, during orgasm, your body experiences a period of myotonia, or muscle spasms, due to the activation of vaginal muscles. This causes the muscles of your legs, arms, neck, abdomen, and face to contract while involuntary vaginal contractions occur at regular intervals.

Why I should take a vacation. And why I’m not.

Dear Diary,

I’ve determined that there’s a spring or six loose in my internal clock: I went to bed last night at 6PM because I was just exhausted and woke up this morning around 1AM feeling completely rested and alert. So, of course, I jumped on the computer and started writing, which I did for a good six plus hours. I completely finished the first Erotic Urban Legends story for my Patreon peeps (which clocked in at almost 6,000 words – it was supposed to be 500) and started the final revision of a book by a pen name. Busy busy busy. So much writing done.

Maybe a little too much.

See, I’m so far ahead on my writing projects that doing any more just seems fruitless. I mean, I’m deep into 2020 over here. I could not write another word until the middle of 2020 and still release a book a month. It’s fucking ridiculous. Don’t get me started on my pen names, either.

I really should take some sort of vacation, just kind of sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labors for a while. Maybe catch up on some anime, or manga, or video games. Or even develop some sort of a personal life outside of my writing community. I should definitely take a vacation.

But I won’t. I can’t. When I go any length of time without writing I get hostile, like there’s some sort of emotional build-up that just throws off my equilibrium. I become testy, confrontative, and generally just unstable. I actually tried taking a week off a while back and… well… let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. Which is why I started creating pen names, so I could release things more often. So far that’s working out good. So far.

God, I’m weird…

Anyway, sorry for the rant and random introspection, but ultimately isn’t that what a Diary is about?

Regardless, thank you for reading, and if you have any advice concerning my mania, I would love to read it.

Goodnight, lovers…

#Alexa

“I haven’t had sex in eight months. To be honest, I now prefer to go bowling.”

– Lil’ Kim

A day of music.

Dear Diary,

This has been a day of music. Everything Anne and I did today seemed to have its own soundtrack, as we constantly played music wherever we were. Grocery shopping, house shopping, cleaning. Everything. Jamming out. Loved it. 🎵

Want to know what I didn’t love? Having only a half-day of writing, since we had to leave and run a handful of errands. Even though my creative time was eviscerated, I pimped the fuck out of it. A social media post I made earlier sums it up nicely:

So this #erotica story for my #Patreon peeps was going to be a short 500-word affair. Then I started #amwriting, and I was like “There is no way I can write that little,” so I increased it to 2,500. It currently sits at almost 5,000 words. I need help…

Anyway, I’m jumping off so I can 1) play some Animal Crossing on my 3DS and 2) knock out a good chunk of Dark Prince by Christine Feehan. I swear I’m finishing that fucking book this week!

Thank you for letting me share my day with you. It’s something I don’t take for granted. 😊

#Alexa

“To be womanly is one thing, and one only; it is to be sensitive to man, to be highly endowed with the sex instinct; to be manly is to be sensitive to woman.”

– Jane Harrison

Tired, werewolves, and Net Neutrality…

Dear Diary,

I’ve yet to go to sleep. I woke up so late yesterday that I knew there was no way in hell I could reset my sleep schedule without staying up today, so that’s exactly what I did. Which explains why the keys are sliding around as I’m trying to type this and the screen is shifting and melting like I’m on a bad acid trip.

Tired.

As.

Fuck.

I did manage to accomplish quite a bit today, however, the pinnacle of which being completely finishing the rough draft of the first Patreon exclusive Erotic Urban Legend story, That’s What Friends Are For, and even updating the Initiate tier ($10+) to let them know what their getting (an exclusive story every month) and when (on the first).

Oh, and in case I haven’t told you guys yet, Interview With A Werewolf is officially being made into an audiobook! Its paperback is already available, so if you don’t want to wait until the September 1st eBook release, you can snag the dead-tree version instead.

Which a surprising amount of you do. It always baffles me how many people still order paperbacks, especially when some of them turn around and sell them on the internet for hundreds of dollars. I mean, on one hand its flattering, but on the other…

And then there was the thing that made my heart drop to my feet, something I’m sure many of you have already read about: Net Neutrality has been repealed. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/11/technology/net-neutrality-repeal.html I couldn’t believe it when I read it a few hours ago, and I still don’t believe it now. Just read the article when you get time. It explains everything.

Anyway, that’s all for me, lovers. Time to get some sleep.

Thank you for taking time out of your life to read this. It means much more to me than you know…

#Alexa

“I do think that books, good books, free you. They make you feel a citizen of the world and things like class, sex and age don’t matter. They’re the greatest leveler.”

– Sue Townsend

Simmering my mind. 🧠

Dear Diary,

There’s really not much to write about today, so I’m going to keep this short. My day consisted of playing HuniePop on my laptop while Anne played on my tablet, completely turning off social media for the majority of the day, and napping. Kind of. I say kind of because when Anne and I took a break from HuniePop to rest our eyes for a bit, we ended up sleeping almost eight flipping hours, so now I’m wide-awake and ready to start my day.

At almost 11 motherfucking PM. 🙄

Good thing I’m itching to write!

I think I need days like this sometimes, days where my mind just basically shuts off and simmers. I’m pretty sure it’s days like this that keep me sane.

Anyway, if any of you can’t sleep, feel free to hit me up through one of my 315 social media channels and we can chat for a bit. Of course, this offer only extends for a few hours, as after that I’m turning off all social media (except for my Patreon, of course, the only notifications I keep active – you can hit me up there 24/7) so I can immerse myself in my words.

Until tomorrow, lovers.

Dream of me…

#Alexa

“I practice safe sex – I use an airbag.”

– Garry Shandling

I admit it: Anne and I are sleeping together!

Dear Diary,

More often than not, Anne and I are sleeping together. She’s either spending the night at my place or I’m spending the night at hers. (Wait – were you thinking I meant something else? 😅). Especially since – well – it’s just been happening more often than usual lately. My Patreon peeps know why. Anyway, we sleep together a lot. Because of this, I get to see the amazing spectacle that is Anne eating breakfast.

See, most normal people may eat some sort of breakfast sandwich, or maybe a breakfast bowl, or even, if they’re feeling particularly adventurous, something like eggs/toast/pancakes/etc.

Anne?

Ramen noodles mixed with tuna, spices (Ms. Dash – which we refer to as Ms. Snatch), ranch, salsa, and a generous helping of cheese. Maybe with a side of potato chips. This is her breakfast, the first thing she makes seconds after waking up.

Her stomach is a motherfucking gangsta. 🔫

Anyway, my day as a whole has been spent obsessing over this game I apparently ordered on Steam a long time ago and completely forgot about: HuniePop. (If you download it and try it out for yourself, make sure to get the uncensored patch. Cause way better.) According to Steam, I’ve racked up a little over 11 hours playing it so far. 😳 And as soon as I post this entry, I’m jumping right back on. I got Anne playing it too (on the Windows 10 side of my tablet) and she’s getting just as bad. But then, she was a Candy Crushfreak, and this game has similar elements. It’s like a mix of Candy Crush, a dating sim, and a porno. Loves it!

Sorry for the abrupt end, but I want to play again. So, goodnight, #Alexaliens.

I love you all.

#Alexa

“I am not bisexual. I am not gay. I have never had sex with men.”

– Matt LeBlanc

My First Celebrity Interview!

Dear Diary,

A few days ago, I sent my beloved Patreon motherfuckers a memo telling them about all the changes I’m preparing to make to the site. One of those changes was celebrity interviews, and little did they know I already had active feelers and dialogue before I made that claim. I was reasonably confident I could pull it off.

Turns out that confidence was well placed. 🤗

The interview (and all future interviews) will be featured on Patreon, of course, and all tiers – even the $1/month ones – will be able to access it. And I’m not finished. I have other things in the works as well. Things I’m really excited about.

Here are some of the articles you’ll have instant access to if you join:

• How I Lost My Virginity: https://www.patreon.com/posts/16851625
• How I Write A Book: https://www.patreon.com/posts/16927729
• My Real-Life Day Job (It’s Not Writing): https://www.patreon.com/posts/17076145
• My Three Favorite Types of Porn: https://www.patreon.com/posts/my-three-types-17140861
• My Gaming Collection: https://www.patreon.com/posts/my-gaming-17216537
• 30 Explicit Sex Questions – Answered!: https://www.patreon.com/posts/17315648
• 12 Deep Questions: https://www.patreon.com/posts/12-deep-17556512
• Why I Have Insomnia: https://www.patreon.com/posts/why-i-have-17673134
• A Touching Conversation: https://www.patreon.com/posts/17792535
• Goodbye (April Fools Day Post) …: https://www.patreon.com/posts/17913159
• My first job, and how it made me the author I am today…: https://www.patreon.com/posts/my-first-job-and-18036883
• Creampies, swallowing, anal, gangbangs, double penetration, S&M, polyamory, interracial, tributes…and me.: https://www.patreon.com/posts/creampies-anal-s-18185371
• My Daily Schedule: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18282669
• Why I don’t use publishing houses: https://www.patreon.com/posts/why-i-dont-use-18359553
• My new erotica author pen name! (And why I need your advice.): https://www.patreon.com/posts/my-new-erotica-i-18544418
• My Skyrim Character (NSFW!): https://www.patreon.com/posts/my-skyrim-nsfw-18670768
• “Drugs Not Hugs” Sims 4 Shirts!: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18802191
• Why I Needed A Break: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18911744
• Coming soon!: https://www.patreon.com/posts/19035189
• The Origin of Butt Naked Sunday: https://www.patreon.com/posts/19154449
• Monthly Patreon Perks. And a pic. 😏: https://www.patreon.com/posts/19290121

There you go. About once a week I add a new article, with the next one being the interview. There are also several other perks that go along with membership, such as monthly audiobook codes good for any audiobook on Audible regardless of title/author/price, a book a month from one of my various pen names, and a new project called Erotic Urban Legends that even my beloved Patreon peeps don’t know about yet. 😏

There are more benefits and bonuses, but I don’t have time to list them all – I have wheels to set in motion.

I love you all.

Always.

❤

#Alexa

“Sex appeal is not on purpose.”

– Heather Locklear