Lap dancing in public – or, how I almost got kicked out of a restaurant 😏

Dear Diary,

This day did not go as planned. I did manage to finish the rough draft of The Siren’s Song (which took way longer than I anticipated – you can read it here https://buff.ly/2KwjRTN if you want), and I figured I’d just wait until the bestie got off work and get picked up by the brother unit. Then we’d go home, and I would cuddle with an enjoyable book and read until I got tired.

But no.

My brother wanted to test me.

Which is why I almost got kicked out of a buffet restaurant.

Maybe I should explain.

See, my brother knows I have this sort of phobia of buffets, probably because when I was younger I had a…well, a fairly serious eating disorder that put me in the hospital a few times. He’s been trying to break me of this phobia for a while now, but I just have this intense dislike bordering on apathy for anything that even looks like a buffet. I can’t help it. It’s called a phobia (an irrational fear) for a reason.

So, of course, my brother thought it would be an excellent idea to take Anne and me to one of the biggest buffets in the area when I mentioned I was hungry on the way home. Anne, of course, was all for it, but I threw a bit of a tantrum when we got there and refused to get out of the car.

Am I proud of this? Of course I am. Motherfucker knew better. I blame him for my tantrum. 😅

Anyway, flash forward about 15 minutes. We’re sitting at the table with our plates (he bribed me with the return of Skynet – my drone – to get me out of the car), and Anne got a plate of various vegetables and meat while my knuckle-dragging brother got two plates stacked with every dead animal he could find. And a breadstick. One breadstick. Cause balance, apparently. I got a salad.

You’re probably wondering how I was almost kicked out.

I’m getting to it.

Be patient. 😅

See, I finished my plate long before everyone else did, so I got bored, and a bored Alexa is never a good thing. I started walking around the restaurant talking to people at the other tables, admiring babies, shaking hands and sitting down with other couples… I probably looked like I was running for office or something. My brother, irritated with this (which was kind of the goal) called me back to the table and told me to sit down.

So, I did.

On Anne’s lap.

And then proceeded to give her a lap dance. Your girl can give a mean lap dance. 😏

I’ve never seen my brother eat so fast before!

His fault. I told him I didn’t want to go. Motherfucker should have listened.

Apparently, I created so much of a scene that the manager came out to talk to us, warning me that if I didn’t stop he would have to ask us to leave. I countered by asking him if he read erotica, because I happen to be an author of it and if he visited alexanichols.com he could see for himself. (Always push the merch! 😆) He didn’t even answer, he just mumbled something and walked away.

Coincidentally, I did have more sales than usual earlier…

Sigh.

I got off Anne’s lap and behaved the rest of the time, watching my brother’s face gradually return to its standard healthy pink color. It went through quite a few shades first though. 🙌

It was fun.

Anyway, I love you all.

Thanks for reading.

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

Opossums have a double-headed penis.