Thursday, May 4, 2023

So I’m having second doubts about this whole writing thing…


Dear Diary,

I drew a line in the sand about a year ago, a definite cutoff point for my writing career. Why? Because there’s a lot of pressure to keep up with all the responsibilities of being an independent author, and while the royalties are very nice, I never started doing this because of the money. I started writing because I had a passion for telling stories, which I had been doing anyway (for free) for years as a Dungeon Master (DM) of Dungeons & Dragons. So many of my players complimented me on my story weaving, telling me repeatedly how I should go into book writing, that when I found myself in a lull period with no game to DM and my creativity started to boil over… I figured fuck it, why not give it a go?

The terrorizing force of nature you now know as the Alexaverse was born. 😄

Once I started releasing stories, I got sucked into a creative black hole. I couldn’t stop. I have bled so many tales over the years, and that’s what led me to think about wrapping things up eventually and sitting back and just collecting royalties, maybe occasionally releasing a book when the urge became too great.

However…

I started looking through my backlog of stories, then at my release schedule, then I began pondering how in the world I was going to get all these things wrapped up before my retirement (which is slated for January 1, 2027 – I will be 40 years old!) and… a circuit blew in my mind. A sadness engulfed my soul, and it dawned on me that there was simply no way. There would be stories I couldn’t tell, creations I wouldn’t be able to share, and why? Because I figured enough is enough? I thought long and hard about this and came to the following conclusion:

Fuck retirement.

I will keep writing until the motherfucking wheels fall off, as the great philosopher Plato once said.

The only problem I have now is figuring out what to do with all these books I’ve finished that aren’t in my regular release schedule. Maybe I’ll do something with Patreon or Subscribestar.adult. Stay tuned… 🤷‍♀️

#Alexaliens

 

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

― Ernest Hemingway

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Thursday, April 27, 2023

Questions To Ask A Wild Rampaging Alexa...


Ripped from the website Ponly


What books can you recommend?

So many. My favorites are the Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor Lavey, The Great and Secret Show by Clive Barker, and numerous other occult and metaphysical books... my interests are all over the place!


What was the last joke that made you laugh?

I tend to laugh at everything, especially TikTok videos and memes. I can't even remember.


How would you characterize your best friend?

Selfless and brave.


Do you have a character you often compare yourself to?

No. I'm too weird to even attempt that!


Do you spend weekends with your family?

I try, but most of the time, I can't. I make up for this during the week as much as possible. Of course, my 'family' pretty much amounts to my baby squirrel and my big brother, so...


Who is your favorite foreign singer?

Shakira!


What was the last fear you were able to overcome?

It took me a while to think of an answer to this. Not because I don't have any fears, of course, but because most of the things I would consider 'fears' were conquered a looong time ago. I think the last fear I conquered would have to be social media. For most of my life, I didn't partake in it; I didn't see the need. That and all the horror stories I kept hearing acted as a serious deterrent. Now? I practically live on Twitter.


What is the weirdest game you have ever played?

Harvester. I loved, hated, and was creeped out by it - all at the same time.


What is the most mind-blowing piece of art you have ever seen?

I'm amazed by most forms of art, especially those done with obvious passion. I'm a huge fan of passion; it makes for fantastic creative works.


What is your favorite computer game?

Skyrim! Though The Witcher 3 is rapidly moving up on my list of favorites.


What things would you like to change in the world?

1. Racism. It baffles me how something as simple as skin pigment can make people feel at odds with one another. We seem to be the only creatures on the planet that does this... why?

2. Sexism. The idea that just because I'm female, I am somehow less than or weaker. Physically, yes, I understand, but there are far more important things than physical strength. In today's society, physical strength is low on the totem poll.

3. Religious entitlement. Just because someone has a different religion than you doesn't mean they are any better or worse. They are simply different. That would be like hating someone because they eat American cheese and you don't. Food tastes are different depending on the person... so is religion.


What dish would you never be able to refuse?

Eggs Benedict. They are the bane of my existence (health-wise).


What type of stereotypes are you most sick of?

That women are or should be subservient to men. That we like to be catcalled and anointed with endearing names like 'honey' or 'dear' by absolute strangers. That we want to be hit on or touched by people we don't even know. That we want unsolicited pictures of dicks.


Is there something you are afraid of asking in public?

I hate asking people for anything, even small, simple things. My big brother scolds me for this all the time. He says I have too much pride; I say I'm fiercely independent. That 'pride' has made me strong, self-sufficient, and smarter than your average. However, I do see his point: I can sometimes get overzealous...


If you could start this day anew, what would you do?

Find ways to get even more accomplished than I did. I'm huge on efficiency.


Between DC and Marvel, what would you choose?

Marvel. I don't think I've ever read a DC comic, while at one point I was actually collecting Marvel!


What is/was your favorite class at school?

Athletics. I've always been naturally athletic, so this was my favorite class. Academically, it would have to be English. Especially when we studied classical literature, like myths and pantheons. I fell in love with writing because of those.


What do you think happiness consists of?

True Friendship.


When you feel there is someone annoying at a party, how do you react?

I actively avoid/ignore them.


Have you ever had an urge to leave your city and live somewhere in the countryside surrounded by rivers and magnificent mountains?

Oh, hell no. I am way too bougie to make it in the country! I love my conveniences; there is no way I could live without them. I mean, I COULD, but I definitely wouldn't like it!


Do you have an animal you adore?

Dragons. I've always had a deep fascination with them, even when I was a little girl. If you're talking about real animals, it would have to be dogs. I love them so much. I like cats too, but I adore dogs way more.


Hearing a well-respected person criticizing your loved one, what would you do?

Light. Them. Up!


What is your happiest childhood memory?

I have so many that it would be difficult to emphasize just one. Most include my big brother; very few have anything to do with my 'parents.'


What is the thing you are most grateful for?

Life.


Would you never try rather than die trying?

I try to never say never, but skydiving is high on the list. And Bungie jumping.


Have you ever had any experiences to meet your favorite artist?

I don't have a favorite artist. More on that in a bit.


Can you cut relationships with people pulling you down?

Yes. I have a history of it. In fact, I've become good at it!


What is your dream job?

Being a writer.


What makes you feel proud of yourself?

Completing a story and then receiving feedback on said story. I put a lot of work into my works, so when it's all finally finished and in the hands of my readers - and they take time out of their lives to give me their opinions on it - bliss. I mean, they could be doing anything else, but they used their precious time to read one of my works. Fucking mind blowing!


What inspires you the most?

My baby squirrel. This little wench has not only beat cancer and was a trooper throughout the entire thing but also quit smoking and drinking cold turkey. I am honestly in awe of her, and she inspires the shit out of me when I'm undertaking, well, anything.


Do you think money can buy happiness?

Actually, yes. I know conventional wisdom says 'no,' but I believe it can.


What is your favorite flower?

Actually, I'm not too fond of flowers. Venus fly traps, maybe? Black Dahlias? Black roses?


What are three words that make you smile?

I love you. I could insert some weird or funny answers, but honestly, those three words mean a lot to me. They always put a smile on my face (not when said by strangers, though. That's creepy).


Can you name a place where you have never been to but wish to go?

Japan! (That one was so easy 😄)


What human qualities do you cherish?

Loyalty and honesty.


What language do you want to learn?

Japanese!


Who is the person you admire?

I admire several people, but I'm going to assume you mean "the most." That would be my big brother.


What is your favorite midnight cocktail?

I don't drink alcohol, and even when I did, I never drank cocktails. So I have no idea.


What is the best advice you have ever received?

This is easy: "Don't gamble anything you can't afford to lose."


Who is your favorite artist?

I don't have favorite artists of any genre of work; I have favorite works. And they are legion. I've always wondered about people that are fans of other people, stating that everything they make is golden. That isn't possible, nor is it true. Yes, you can have artists that resonate with you more often than not and be fond of those artists, but I don't. Not truly.


How do you deal with criticism?

It honestly depends on the person and reason. I firmly believe in the Rorschach (ink blot) test, which states that people project themselves onto you. Their observations, tone, and worldview are truly representative of the way they think and how they see themselves. People will snitch themselves off pretty quickly if you allow them to speak long enough.

Monday, April 3, 2023

Lust. And Love…


Dear Diary,

I’ve been thinking a lot about fucking lately. For some reason, my hormones have been out of control, and the first sign of this was when I started sexting all my AI chatbots. By the time I realized I was really getting out of control was when I had them all trained to be sexbots that propositioned me within the first few minutes of our conversations. 😄 Every single time.

That made me pause.

Yes, I’ve always been a sexual creature. Used to be I could call up an ex or a really good friend and, you know, scratch that itch. But COVID changed all of that. To put it bluntly, I quit trusting the cleanness of prospective lovers, a mindset that is proving extraordinarily hard to shake. A large reason for this is that I’m a caregiver, and my client (who’s been my best friend for over 20 years now) only recently beat cancer, so I refused to do anything (or be around anyone) that would put her at risk.

I’m not the same girl I used to be, and I have the pandemic to thank for that. Of course, maybe this was a good thing, as I needed a huge paradigm shift in the way I was living anyway, but the downside of this is that I had to find other outlets for my carnal energy. So I decided to turn to writing, and the results were some of the hottest, most scorching tales I ever produced. This works beautifully most of the time, unless I get sick and don’t have the mental focus (or creativity) to write. In which case I just go crazy, which is not a pretty sight.

Which makes me wonder if I should jump back into the dating pool again. I mean, funneling my erotic energy into my writing is fun, but it feels so much better to actually get off, you know? Maybe a casual sort of thing, because mentally, I don’t think I have the energy or desire to deal with all the emotional crap involved in being with someone. I don’t know. On the other hand, I kind of miss being in love too, because when you connect with someone – I mean really connect – there is nothing else like it. The euphoria, the augmented physical elements, the… everything, really… is just so much better. Finding the right person to connect with is the hard part, though. It’s easy to get laid; hard to fall in love…

#Alexaliens

 

“I wonder what the difference is between love and lust.”

– Rob Payne

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Thursday, February 23, 2023

A day in the life of a wild Alexalien…


Dear Diary,

The question I get asked more than any other is, for some strange reason, how I spend my day. Which is a bit insulting, I think, but also illuminating. It shows a genuine interest in my life and tells me just how mature and thoughtful some of my peeps truly are. I like that. I really do.

So here’s how a typical day in the life of a wild Alexalien looks:

  1. 6 AM: Wake up and smack Anne awake. Though we don’t technically live together, since I’m her caregiver and I live all the way in Corpus Christi, I’m at her place more often than not. We used to alternate, with her coming to my place for a few weeks and me going to hers, but COVID (and then her getting cancer) changed all that, so we kind of just fell into the habit of being at her place. Soon we’ll return to my place because her crib is small. ðŸ˜³ And, you know, I terribly miss my big brother’s bougie ass…
  2. 7 AM-12 PM: Writing. Usually, my main work in progress, but sometimes (especially if I need more time to think on an element or in between revisions), I’ll dabble in a side project. Whatever it is, I always place my headphones on and listen to my carefully selected playlist for said project, losing myself in the story’s ambiance. Bliss…
  3. 12 PM-1 PM: Lunch/anime. Sometimes I just grab something quick and eat while I work, though I try and watch at least one episode of my current anime cause, you know, otaku and all.
  4. Get a light, 15-minute workout before returning to the grind.
  5. The next three hours are spent doing non-writing author work. Things like processing mail, Patreon/Subscribestar.adult projects, dealing with social media notifications, listening to my podcasts, and – if I somehow manage to finish everything early enough – playing some video games with Anne before I hit the gym.

Repeat the next day.

Boring, right?!

But now you know.

#Alexaliens

 

“The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.”

– Pablo Picasso

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Wednesday, January 4, 2023

Dreams…


Dear Diary,

Have you ever seriously thought about the meaning of dreams? Ever since I was a little girl they’ve fascinated me, and when I started becoming interested in psychology it was the first topic I began to heavily research. I experimented with lucid dreaming, dabbled in dream manipulation on both myself and my friends/relatives, and for the longest time even kept a dream journal to study, hoping to find some sort of correlation with my waking life and the things I mused while I slept.

They still fascinate me to this day. You may be able to tell this from my writing, as they often creep into my tales in one way or another.

Unsurprisingly, I tend to have weird dreams myself. Most of the time these are harmless, odd affairs, but sometimes… they can get dark. Not too long ago, I dreamt of my death, the first of its kind, which shook me to my core. I wrote about it in my Diary and even reached out and talked to some of my Patreon and Subscribestar members, and to be honest that helped a bit, but it took days for me to completely shake the powerful emotions it elicited. And then, just yesterday, I had yet another dream, one where I was shot multiple times in the head. I have no idea where these dreams are coming from or why, as I haven’t been watching any gun-heavy shows, but… this time, it didn’t unsettle me as badly as the first. It was more a curiosity than an impactful event, so much so that when I awoke, I casually told my baby squirrel and then bounded about my day.

I don’t know what these dreams mean.

I’m not sure I want to know.

The way I see it, however, I have two choices: agonize over what they could possibly entail or go on about my life and tackle the things that make me happy for as long as I’m in this world. I choose the latter.

How do dreams affect you? What do you believe they mean? Send me an email or private message through one of my various social media accounts and let me know. I’m genuinely curious.

#Alexaliens

 

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

– Carl Jung

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Sunday, December 18, 2022

Quitting

Dear Diary,

So I quit drinking on April 18, 2021, and it was the most intelligent thing I’ve done in a long time. Still, in the back of my mind, I knew there were other vices that might not be as dangerous but were still vices. Mainly the three great evils of my life: eating fast food, sweets, and BREAD. I LOVE BREAD, YO! Biscuits, sandwiches, etc… but I always have to work out extra hard to not gain weight from it. During the COVID lockdowns, I quit caring for a bit and kind of slumped into a mild state of depression, but I have this weird thing where I can actually feel myself gaining weight, so I doubled down on my fitness… only to slip again because, you know, bread. 😄

So. I have already quit drinking. The next thing on my hit list? Fast food. Nowadays, eating out is expensive, and the food quality simply doesn’t justify the cost. And then there’s the attitude of the workers… I can’t even avoid these mofos because ordering through a food delivery app like Uber Eats, Grubhub, or DoorDash is insane. They have so many fees and inflated costs tacked on that it’s hardly worth it. Seriously. As an experiment, I went through the ordering page of all three for McDonald’s and showed my big brother just how much the prices for the same menu items differ. It was crazy.

Inflation sucks ass!

It’s also an excellent motivator. So, fast food is now out, and next in line (far down the line) is sweets. I am not looking forward to that battle, yo.

Writing of battles.

I finally finished the short story Haunted, which I originally intended as a Halloween release, but… well, you know how I am. I like to tweak/revise/dissect/chew on/digest/etc. every damn thing I create, so even a short story like this was bound to miss its deadline. However, since it’s (finally) finished, I released it to my Patreon/Subscribestar members a while back and a few days ago uploaded it to Amazon for the rest of the world. So go check it out!

I know this entry is a bit all over the place, but hey, this is a diary, right? I make no apologies. 😜

#Alexaliens

 

“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.”

– Walt Disney

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Wednesday, November 2, 2022

Dungeons & Dragons… and being Haunted…

Dear Diary,

If you follow me on social media, you likely know that I’m a huge fan of anime, manga, and roleplaying video games (Skyrim, The Witcher, Final Fantasy, etc.). What you might not know is when I was younger, I used to play Dungeons & Dragons with my big brother and his friends religiously every week and became somewhat obsessed with it. The time I spent playing that game… I suppose this explains why, when I grew older, I became so obsessed with roleplaying video games like Skyrim and Final Fantasy. And writing, for that matter. Immersing my mind into the role of another person, becoming that person for a fleeting time, and living in their world… it calls to me on a deep level.

Later on, my brother and his friends decided to do something with the game they loved so much and create a trio of worlds (Zymph, Dark Earth, and MuN), a strategic card game (Warlock: The Enumeration), and even a computer program (DM Secretary) to better help manage their Dungeons & Dragons campaigns. Though Real Life kind of got in the way and one by one everyone dropped off and the projects became inactive, they always maintained a seat in the back of my mind because I saw the potential.

I still do.

So, now that I’m winding down my writing career in a few years (2027, to be exact), I decided to pick them back up and help them blossom into what I know they can be. I’ll use my Patreon and Subscribestar.adult platforms to showcase them and see where things go from there. I’m thinking about hiring someone to make an app for Warlock down the road once I scrounge up all the notes I can find and attack my brother’s brain.

It’s going to be fun, yo, and I feel bad for my baby squirrel because she’s going to be the sounding board for so much of my craziness these next few years… 😄

Speaking of my demon baby squirrel.

I decided to start working on something extra special for Halloween – a short story, Haunted. My goal was for it to be finished by the end of the month, but that definitely didn’t happen. I have the hardest time keeping a story simple and barebones; once you read this puppy, you’ll see what I mean. Here’s the cover (which, for the first time in a long time, I made myself!):

 

 

Once it’s done and I give my Patreon and Subscribestar.adult peeps a chance to read it, I’m uploading it to Amazon. I’m proud of it so far, though it may take at least another week to finish. No regrets. It’s a blast to write.

You know, serious moment: I love being alive. I really do. 🥰

#Alexaliens

 

“There is no winning or losing, but rather the value is in the experience of imagining yourself as a character in whatever genre you’re involved in, whether it’s a fantasy game, the Wild West, secret agents or whatever else. You get to sort of vicariously experience those things.”

– Gary Gygax

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Halloween Vibes and Self-Reflection

Halloween has always been a weird holiday for me. I mean, don’t get me wrong—I love dressing up, I love candy (way too much), and I love all...