Anne’s boobies, comfortable ignorance, and being a Terminator!

Dear Diary,

So a few days ago, I was sitting next to Anne while she was going through yet another chemo treatment, and, for some reason, I was more insightful (and emo) than usual. I had my laptop out with the intent to work but found myself having a difficult time concentrating. So, I sent out the following tweet:

 

 

I meant every word of it. The randomness and harshness of Life can truly be terrifying if you think about it too long. I mean, we only have so long on this earth, you know? And none of us knows when our time is up. It’s something I think about often, and is my one genuine fear: Death.

No, I’m not a Christian or any other religion. I have no idea why we’re here, where we’re going when we die, or where we came from. I am comfortably ignorant if that makes any sense. This is why Death gets to me sometimes. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not existing. One of my favorite expressions by Andrew Smith is, “People fear what they don’t understand and hate what they can’t conquer.” I can honestly say I both Fear and Hate Death. Logically I understand that all things must die, and I understand the benefits and logistics of this happening, but tell my heart that. Tell my heart that the woman I’m sitting next to might not be here tomorrow if she loses this fight, that she will simply not exist anymore.

And then tell me how that will be a good thing.

I mean, Anne’s not only one of my best friends, but I’ve known the girl for a little over 18 years. We’ve been through a lot together—more than I will ever publicly admit. Initially, when we found out she had breast cancer (about three months ago), I didn’t want to share the news with anyone, even though she said she didn’t mind. I relaxed a little and talked to my Patreon members about it, and it felt good. Refreshing, if that makes any sense.

Maybe I need to open up and talk about things more often. I dunno. That’s not something I usually do; in fact, when walloped by Life, I tend to clam up and get ridiculously analytical, almost machine-like in my focus to beat whatever it is that’s going against me. I call it Terminator mode. It’s served me well through the years. Except with something like this, where there’s abso-fucking-lutely nothing I can do. That is humbling as hell to someone like me, let me tell you…

Anyway, I know this is a bit overly introspective entry, but I am treating this like an actual diary, not a blog – hence the name. So deal with it, motherfuckers.

Oh yeah, and: I love you.

All of you.

And thank you for reading and being a part of my little digital world. 🥰

#Alexa

 

 

💡 The More You Know 💡

This year, an estimated 42,170 women will die from breast cancer in the U.S.

Although rare, men get breast cancer too. In 2020, an estimated 2,620 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year in the U.S., and approximately 520 will die.

 

https://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/

 

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Good news, bad news, and baby fever…

Dear Diary,

So, I have good news, bad news, and horrifying news.

We’ll start with the good news: Not only is my left arm getting rapidly better, but I’m being a productive little loli to boot! Writing-wise, at least. I’ve been spending much of my free time taking on small writing side projects, mainly the Quickies stories The Doctor’s In, Breaking in The Babysitter, and Daddy Dearest. I had to take a brief break from writing so many serious stories and write a few short, silly, erotic ones instead. It’s proving to be creatively therapeutic and a lot of fun. I’ve also, as always, been working on Patreon content. Basically, I’m having way more fun than I probably should be, considering we’re still in a pandemic and our political scene is an absolute shitshow.

Now the bad news: It seems like every time I log onto Twitter (my favorite social media network), all I see on my feed is politics, anger, and straight-out hatred (and, of course, dick pics in my DMs 🙄). Rarely do I see anything positive, which is why I try and inject whatever I can when I jump on. The problem is, I’m not naturally a very funny person, and my sense of humor would be best described as weird to begin with, so I usually end up falling flat, but… I try, motherfuckers! 😅

I guess what I want to say is just because we have differences of opinion doesn’t mean we can’t get along. We’re all different. Why does this difference seem to anger some people? Why do they want to debate, insult, and threaten others just because they don’t think the way they do? What are they hoping to accomplish with this? What’s the end game? I mean, I’m not too fond of anchovies, but I never considered starting a hate group over them – or bashing someone that likes them. It just doesn’t matter to me what someone else likes to eat. It’s not my business, and honestly doesn’t interest me. Why does it matter to anyone what someone else thinks about politics, religions, or what goes on in the privacy of their bedroom? Think about it.

 

Accept the differences for what they are and move on. It’s not like your approval or disapproval will change anything anyway, nor should it.

 

I have plenty of friends that are vastly different than me: Trump supporters, anarchists, flat earthers, vegans, Christians, Satanists, Wiccans, etc. I’m not their friend because of what they believe; I’m their friend because of who they are.

Please remember when you conversate with others that they are people, and even though some of you feel extraordinarily brave behind a keyboard, try to live by one simple, easy to remember rule: never say anything to someone over the internet that you wouldn’t say to their face.

I think the world would be a much better place, ya know?

Now for the horrifying news. I think I’m starting to get baby fever. And this has to be the worst possible time to experience something like that: I’m single, we’re in a pandemic, and, you know, I hate children. 😭 In all honesty, I would make a horrible mother. No one needs like Alexaliens running around this world, believe me. Still… every time I see baby crap online or on TV, my fallopian tubes start acting like those inflatable tube men you see advertising something on the side of the road.

Le sigh.

To those of you that have children, send me an email or private social media message and let me know if you regret your decision. And be honest, because I really want to know what I’m getting myself into. If I decide to get myself into it, that is…

#Alexa

 

💡 The More You Know 💡

Nipples are erogenous zones because the sensation of hardened nipples travels to the same part of the brain as sensations from the vagina, cervix and the clitoris.

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Walking around like I’m on stilts and why I ghost you…

Dear Diary,

I think I tore my left arm working out too hard. I kind of went a bit berserk last night (I had some serious stress to relieve), and ever since, the pain has been ridiculous. And it’s not just my arm, either: my entire body is sore. I’ve basically been walking around like I’m on stilts or something, much to Anne’s constant amusement. She’s getting a kick out of smack-talking and calling me a gimp; considering she’s used a wheelchair her entire life and has cerebral palsy/cancer, she gets a pass.

Flash forward about an hour after my workout.

I got out of the shower with a head spilling with writing ideas that seemed to assault me as I bathed and decided to unleash some creativity. The entire time I was wincing in pain, every movement seemed to hurt. Especially my left arm. Anyway, while I was writing, Anne threatened me with a hot bath to relax my muscles, and… well, I screen captured the conversation. 😅

 

 

See, these are the types of discussions I have all the time with my peeps. I’m special, I know. 😆

Speaking of being special.

I hope you guys know how much I love and appreciate you being in my little digital sphere, and how much your encouragement and attention means to me. So many of you write and message, and I wish I could respond to you all, but the only problem is I simply don’t have the time. I really, really, really try, but it’s just not feasibly possible. Sometimes this means it takes days (or weeks, depending) before I can finally sit down and respond to messages and emails (which I only check twice a week to begin with), which leads some people to believe that I dislike being social online, or that I’m bougie and ghosting people.

That is far from the truth.

If that’s how I was, I wouldn’t be so active on Twitter (my favorite social media network), and my DMs for all networks wouldn’t be open. It’s not a matter of hatred, dislike, or bougieness. It’s a matter of time. There are only so many hours in the day, and considering I do author work for eight of those hours, then spend time with my friends, big brother unit, working out, Patreon, and personal hobbies (something I often have to skip because by the time I finish everything else it’s usually bedtime)… I just don’t have time to have random conversations. Especially the ever-persistent deep communication of “Hi,” or “Where r u frm?” Seriously people, if you want to have a discussion, say something worth discussing! 😅 Preferably about something I’ve written, as that’s the primary reason I’m online – to connect with readers. It’s definitely not to find love or hook-up/cyber. That’s some next-level desperate thirsty shit that I just don’t need in my life. I mean, if that’s what I wanted, it would be easy enough to snag someone from my circle, you know? Not some random internet stranger during a pandemic. 😅 That makes about as much sense as those weird motherfuckers that take pictures of their food and post it to social media. Seriously, why do people do that?!

Anyway, I know how crazy things have been with the presidential election rapidly approaching, but console yourself with this: we are, regardless of religious or political affiliation, in this together. When everything is said and done, none of that shit truly matters anyway. What matters is that we are all people, we all deserve respect, and we all have feelings. Regardless if we agree with one another or not. Keep it real. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Period.

I love you all.

Be good to each other. ✌

#Alexa

 

“Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe.”

– Frederick Douglass

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Sex in books, my quickest Twitter ban yet, and sending about a dozen noods! 😳

Dear Diary,

I’ve never understood why people object to reading about sex in books. I was writing the other day, listening to one of my favorite podcasts, (Writing Excuses – Self Publishing Episode), and the book of the week they suggested was a billionaire romance that was described as clean – one that contained zero sex. The recommender went on to mention that the story still had heat, just no sex. This made me stop typing and sit back in my chair. It’s a mystifying concept to me, and also probably one of my biggest pet peeves about adult literature. And movies. Any form of entertainment, really.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not talking about full-blown pornography, or even erotica. I’m simply curious why some authors don’t write about sex at all. I mean…

1. That’s not very cash money, yo. 😅
2. It’s completely unrealistic.

I mean, we’re humans. Much of our biology is centered on the sex act, and the biological imperative we feel is undeniable. They say sex sells, and the reasons for this are so obvious I’m not even going to insult your intelligence by listing them here.

So when an author writes a story with zero sex, no sexual attraction, or even a few moments of romance or eros, it always makes me scratch my head. How is that in any way realistic? How can you completely leave such a huge part of human nature out of something that is supposed to be a mirror of life? I mean, I understand when the stories are short and focused on a specific situation (like many of the stories in my Dark Jubilee series on Patreon) but full-length novels intended for young adults and adults? I dunno.

It just seems weird.

Sorry for the rant. It’s just always been something that perplexed me.

Moving on to my personal life…

Twitter banned me, yo! And I don’t mean some sort of weeny-ass shadow ban that I get all the time (your girl has a mouth… or, I guess, fingers… whatever) that gets her in trouble all the time. I stay getting lightly banned on social media on a regular basis. It doesn’t even phase me anymore. This time, though… this time was a bit different.

The Breonna Taylor decision was just announced. I was (as were most people) floored. I mean, those motherfuckers literally got away with murder. It’s an insult on several levels and makes me not only furious but deeply ashamed to be an American. Is this really what our country is about? So, you know me, I immediately sent out a tweet:

 

 

Moments later, I was blacked out of my account. It was my quickest Twitter ban yet! I couldn’t tweet, respond to messages, like (heart) posts… nothing. I could see posts and DMs, but I couldn’t interact. And apparently, I wasn’t the only one. Loads of other people (mostly high-profile types, which is another thing that confused me – I am not a high-profile type) that tweeted about Breonna Taylor experienced the same thing. Not only that, but follower counts vanished or were significantly reduced. Luckily, that didn’t happen to me.

We were all floored. I wrote to Twitter immediately, of course. They had me jumping through hoops: I verified my phone number, changed my password, and sent them about a dozen noods (😂). After all that, my account was finally restored – several days later! Twitter, of course, said the tweet was not the cause of my ban, that it was merely a glitch in their system, and they would have it fixed ASAP. I dunno, though. It all seems pretty suspicious…

…Ultimately, I’m just glad to be on my favorite social media network. Which, by the way, you should be following me on. Unless your account is straight porn, I usually follow back, and I’m on damn near 24/7, so go check me out!

See you there. 🥰

#Alexa

 

💡 The More You Know 💡

Research shows that everyone has up to 6 doppelgängers.

It has even been found that people of different genders can be doppelgängers of each other.

Furthermore, there is only a 9% chance that you will meet one of your doppelgängers in your lifetime.

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

On being a domesticated loli…

Dear Diary,

I came to a startling revelation the other day: I’ve become a domesticated loli. 🤯 Way back in my younger days (i.e., last year), I was all about clubbing, getting wasted, and having recreational sex with a small, select group of friends and exes. I wrote when the mood struck, but otherwise, I was all about living. If you think some of my Diary entries last year and the year before were bad, you have no idea. The things I didn’t record we’re way, way worse. 😅

Then the Coronavirus happened, and I was forced to stay indoors. It was a dramatic lifestyle shift, for sure, but also an unexpectedly pleasant one. After the initial outrage/tantrums/bouts of crying, I decided to make the most of my incarceration and turn up the dial on my writing, and… well, before I knew it, everything kind of just changed.

Instead of managing to squeeze out hundreds of words a day, I bled out thousands. Instead of straining to publish three or four Patreon posts a month, I released three times that. And I had an immense amount of fun with it all, so much so that at the end of the day, I felt creatively (and mentally) drained. So awesome.

Which makes me wonder. What’s going to happen once this is all over with? Once the virus is more or less under control? Once I can go out again and I’m free to frolic to and fro like I used to?

I’m not entirely sure that I want to anymore. I kind of like staying indoors, being productive, and being safe from all the craziness outside my door. I was thinking about all this the other day, and I came to a startling revelation: my prison, my bubble, has become comfortable. In fact, I’m not sure how often I’ll go out at all once this is all over with. Is this kind of how prisoners feel when they’ve been incarcerated for a long time? Do they dread suddenly having absolute freedom thrust upon them?

What about you? Are you going to resume your normal life once all this insanity is finished, or has it permanently scarred you in some way? Let me know.

#Alexa

 

💡 The More You Know 💡

There is a technical name for the “fear of long words.”

It’s called “hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.”

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Storytime…

Dear Diary,

I have three things to write about this Diary entry: a writing progress report, a personal update, and a situation that embarrassed the living hell out of me.

I’ll start with the writing progress report: I’ve done tons of it. My main focus is still on Nephilim: Prisoner, the sequel to Nephilim: Daybreak, though I’m also fluttering through two other projects during my downtime: Erotic Urban Legends: The Casting Couch (a story featuring one of my favorite Naughty Cheerleader’s as the main character: Shae, the quiet redhead. Such an awesome story so far) and The Wencher: Blood & Sacrifice. So much fun!

On a personal update front, I’ve been spending a lot more time with my brother lately, making sure I keep Anne by my side. I’ve even (albeit slowly) started having friends over… it’s been nice to take a break from writing, and the pandemic, and just let loose and live a little. I’m an incredibly happy little loli. 😊

Now about the situation that embarrassed the hell out of me. So. Anne and I bought a vibrator because I figured it was time for another sex toy review on Patreon. IT IS SO AWESOME. Anyway, I was actually in the middle of, ah, ‘using it’ when my brother came over, and I barely had time to get dressed and toss it on the bed. Anyway, he came in, gave me his typical massive bear hug, and went to give Anne a hug too when he spotted the vibrator. He said something to the extent of ‘oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to get one of these,’ and proceeded to use it to massage his left calf (he had, apparently, pulled a muscle working out). He said it was a great massager and wanted to know where I got it.

The entire time he was massaging his leg, Anne was barely keeping it together, enjoying the shit out of the situation just a little too much, while I was trying hard to not pass out from embarrassment.

Anyway, I told him to save his money because the ‘massager’ was mine, and he asked if I could use it on his leg before we went to bed that night.

So, long story short, he has a new personal favorite ‘massager.’ 😶😭

When he ended up leaving, Anne looked at me and just exploded in laughter.

I’m still blushing. And dreading the moment he asks me to massage his calf.

Like I said. Three things.

I hate my life sometimes. 😂

I love you all.

Stay safe!

#Alexa

 

💡 The More You Know 💡

In 1968, a convention of beggars in Dacca, India, passed a resolution demanding that “the minimum amount of alms be fixed at 15 paisa (three cents).” The convention also demanded that the interval between when a person hears a knock at his front door and when he offers alms should not exceed 45 seconds.

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Agony and ecstasy…

Dear Diary,

The agony and the ecstasy of writing a series… I never envisioned when I started writing the Nephilim pentalogy (five-book series) that I would have such a hard time sticking to it. The problem isn’t that I’m bored with the series or disenchanted in any way, but that I have so many other things I want to write in so many different genres (through a handful of pen names) that it’s hard to sit down and give all my attention to just one.

I have creative ADD. I’m not writing that lightly. I come up with an idea for a story and immediately set to outlining, rough drafting, and flushing it out before I remember that I’m supposed to be working on something else entirely. So I end up archiving it for later and reluctantly (painfully) pulling out whatever it is I’m supposed to be working on.

Repeat.

You should see my backlog of almost finished/unfinished stories. It’s horrific. There are so many…

Recently this creative ADD manifested with the Exitium Mundi series. See, I had finished the first Nephilim book, Daybreak, and as I was rough drafting the second installment, Prisoner, I decided to take a break and expand upon the universe a bit by flushing out some of the backstories for a few of the newly introduced characters. I figured I would write a short story entitled Exitium Mundi, which would deal with not only the new characters but serve as a catalyst for the event of the same name. I wanted to keep it short, around 7,500 words or under, and I would include it as a bonus to the paperback version of Prisoner. I do this kind of thing all the time with my paperbacks, so I figured it would be easy.

I was wrong.

I wrote the story fine, but it kept getting longer as I added more detail, fleshed out the characters, introduced new concepts and twists… to make a long story short, I ended up with five books totaling 300 pages and over 121,000 words. Not quite the short, 7,500-word story I envisioned. 🙄

I realized after I laboriously bore that child that I needed help. I needed to rethink my writing process and prioritize my projects, else I would never produce the things I really wanted to. So I devised a new system of what equates to a sort of creative tunnel vision – using any ideas towards Nephilim instead of new projects, and trying to find a way to integrate the sporadic ideas that randomly drop in my head into the current storyline. It’s a lot of fun so far and has led to some really unexpected results. Some exciting results. I love it.

So my focus is going to be solely on Nephilim until the series is complete. It has to be. Otherwise, I’ll get so lost in other projects that it will never get finished. And, in the future, I’m keeping series (not counting Voyeur or the Dark Jubilee) at a trilogy max.

Because of my new system, I am already about 52% finished with Nephilim: Prisoner. 🙌 So bear with me, beloved readers. You’ll have it in your hands before you know it. And you won’t have to wait long for the third, fourth, and fifth books either. Progress, y’all!

#Alexa

 

💡 The More You Know 💡

We’ve all heard of aphrodisiacs such as strawberries and oysters helping to put men and women in the mood, but what about apples? One 2014 study found that women who ate apples more than once a day reported better self-lubrication and overall sexual function compared to women who ate less than one apple a day.

 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that earn me a small commission, at no additional cost to you. This is because I’m a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.