Dear Diary,
(ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF)
(I reach out and slap it off the table.)
(Which doesn’t silence said alarm clock, of course.)
(I don’t care. It’s farther away from me now, and that’s all that matters.)
(15 Minutes later, big brother slings my door open fully dressed and – as always – smelling good. He reaches down and turns my alarm off, returning it to my table.)
J.C. (said big brother): “Alexa. Get up.”
Me: “Fight me, motherfucker.”
J.C.: (Raises eyebrow.) “Anne’s expecting you. Get up.”
Me: (Reach over and whip cover down beside me, revealing Anne, who is still somehow snot-bubble sleeping.) “Her expectations are pretty low this morning.”
J.C.: (Looking slightly startled) “When did she get here?”
Me: “Right before WrestleMania last night. We watched it together. Make me breakfast.”
J.C.: “Get up first.”
Me: “Make me breakfast first.”
J.C.: “Get up. Then we’ll talk breakfast.”
Me: (Make lower lip quiver, force eyes to water, look up at him.) “Please? My stomach hurts and I don’t feel good and I think I’m coming down with something and I don’t even wanna get up and my whole body hurts and I don’t know why and I love you so much and I don’t ask much and by the way where the fuck is Skynet I can’t find it anywhere I know you hid it please make me a breakfast sandwich and carry me to the kitchen?”
J.C.: (Deadpan voice.) “Seriously?”
(I nod and force a tear to eject from my eye.)
J.C.: “You are entirely too spoiled, you know that?”
Me: (Nodding as he picks me up out of bed like I’m made of paper and begins carrying me to the kitchen.)
Anne: “I want one too.”
Me: “Already on it, girl.”
So yeah. That was actually how my day started. Thing is, I actually didn’t lie to the big brother unit: I feel like someone beat the shit out of me and stuffed me in bed, then gangbanged me senseless twice. I nearly took the day off entirely, but something inside told me not to, so I didn’t. I got up, finished the yellow revision of Naughty Professor, worked on a good chunk of the red revision for Knocking Up The MILF, skipped lunch entirely and took a nap instead (best decision of the day), managed to knock out all of my author tasks, spruced up the website a bit,
and then fell face first in my bed and didn’t move for the rest of the day.
I really hope this goes away tomorrow, as I have too many projects I want to get done and some short time limits to do them in. I guess I’ll see tomorrow if this is just a brief, fleeting thing or if it’s a bonafide sickness.
Cross your fingers, my loves.
And as always, thank you for reading…
#Alexa
💡 The More You Know 💡
Amazon River Dolphins are the only species of animal recorded to have engaged in nasal sex.
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