I need some advice. Seriously.

Dear Diary,

A typical butt-naked Sunday. Anne binge-watched Jane the Virgin on Netflix, I read and slept, and my bestie took her dog to the groomers.

Relaxing. 😊

Since I slept so much today, I’m going to go ahead and get started on tomorrows writing, which is mainly putting the finishing touches on that short story I wrote for that woman I visited. I’ve been working on it slavishly for a while, though I didn’t mention it because I’m releasing it under another name. You Patreon motherfuckers will get it soon, along with The Siren’s Song, which I (finally) fully compiled.

I’m going to leave you guys with a question, because I really want your advice: do you think I should create social accounts for my erotica pen name as I have for mine? If so, to what degree?

Let me know either by responding here or by messaging me via social media.

I Love you guys.

Until tomorrow…

#Alexa

“The fact that a baby can be born today and condemned to a life of hardship, struggle, and discrimination simply because of sex is enraging.”

– Adora Svitak

Braindead

Dear Diary,

Busy busy busy busy busy…

Absolutely nothing entertaining happened today. All I did was author things. All. Fricking. Day. I did this because during the weekend I try and give myself a break from writing-related things, so I wanted to get as much done as I could.

The result?

Well.

• I finished the green revision of The Siren’s Song. Which means all I have to do is grammar check Monday and get it out to my Beta Reader Hit Squad. And then everyone on Patreon gets it for free! Everyone else will get it May of 2019.
• I approved the final version of The Qedesha’s Handmaiden: A Qedesha Story. Now we’re just waiting on Audibles approval.
• Was informed that Voyeur: Season 1, Episode 5 has been accepted by Amazon for August 1stpreorder and is currently going through the final stages of publishing.
• Was also informed that the new edition of Knocked Up In Prison! was accepted and is available now. So, if you’ve bought it previously, refresh it or something. I have no idea how Amazon handles new editions. I know they provide newer editions to buyers, but… I decided not to redo the cover, because I kind of like the one I have now. But the insides? Beautiful. 😊
• A little birdie told me that I have a new Patreon subscriber! 🙌 Thank you, Warren van Tassell, for joining me on the Voyeur tier! It is really, really appreciated, and I hope you’ll like the rewards you get as a result!
• And finally, I published yet another answer on my Quora account, something I plan to do at least once a week. Maybe more, I dunno. We’ll see.

Anyway, it’s time for me to mentally unwind and dive into some Skyrim with Anne.

I love you all.

Thank you for reading.

I mean that, by the way. Thank you. 💖

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

A woman’s breasts increase in size by up to 25% when she is sexually aroused.

Getting ahead of myself

Dear Diary,

So, I have this book I’m writing, The Siren’s Song, about an orphan named Arielle that grew up with strange gifts. She lives in a small town very few people know about and is growing tired and frustrated with not only her loneliness but with her body’s unquenched yearnings.

She decides to use her abilities, her magic, to do something about it.

She was not expecting what resulted…

Here’s a little poem I made up and placed in the book that kind of neatly sums up her predicament:

As above and so below,

In peace of mind and perfect trust.

By power of three, so mote it be,

In perfect love and perfect lust.

The story is getting… intense. I started it out initially as a basic sexy story involving a siren and two men, but, well, you know me. I can’t write a basic fuck-book to save my life. I started adding tiny details here and there, and then conversations sprung up, and situations kind of just happened… and before you knew it, it somehow morphed into a supernatural romance between two jealous and conflicting brothers while I wasn’t looking.

And I’m not done.

😳

I know I’m kind of getting ahead of myself, but I’m beginning to really like this Arielle chick and can easily see writing about her more when I finish the Nephilim series (which is what’s scheduled after I finish this story). The Siren’s Song should be completed within two to three days, after which I’m sending it off to my Beta Reader Hit Squad, and then I’m taking a brief break while they read it. During this time, I’ll probably organize and prepare my notes to dive back into the Nephilim universe, though I’m considering also knocking off the first episode of Voyeur’s season two first. But that’s it.

Of course, this means if you haven’t yet read Nephilim: Daybreak, you really should.

I cannot wait to write Nephilim: Prisoner. It’s haunting me. 👻

Hopefully, it will haunt you, too…

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

Female hyenas have clitorises that extend seven inches out of their bodies and serve as pseudopenises as well as the birth canal.

Lap dancing in public – or, how I almost got kicked out of a restaurant 😏

Dear Diary,

This day did not go as planned. I did manage to finish the rough draft of The Siren’s Song (which took way longer than I anticipated – you can read it here https://buff.ly/2KwjRTN if you want), and I figured I’d just wait until the bestie got off work and get picked up by the brother unit. Then we’d go home, and I would cuddle with an enjoyable book and read until I got tired.

But no.

My brother wanted to test me.

Which is why I almost got kicked out of a buffet restaurant.

Maybe I should explain.

See, my brother knows I have this sort of phobia of buffets, probably because when I was younger I had a…well, a fairly serious eating disorder that put me in the hospital a few times. He’s been trying to break me of this phobia for a while now, but I just have this intense dislike bordering on apathy for anything that even looks like a buffet. I can’t help it. It’s called a phobia (an irrational fear) for a reason.

So, of course, my brother thought it would be an excellent idea to take Anne and me to one of the biggest buffets in the area when I mentioned I was hungry on the way home. Anne, of course, was all for it, but I threw a bit of a tantrum when we got there and refused to get out of the car.

Am I proud of this? Of course I am. Motherfucker knew better. I blame him for my tantrum. 😅

Anyway, flash forward about 15 minutes. We’re sitting at the table with our plates (he bribed me with the return of Skynet – my drone – to get me out of the car), and Anne got a plate of various vegetables and meat while my knuckle-dragging brother got two plates stacked with every dead animal he could find. And a breadstick. One breadstick. Cause balance, apparently. I got a salad.

You’re probably wondering how I was almost kicked out.

I’m getting to it.

Be patient. 😅

See, I finished my plate long before everyone else did, so I got bored, and a bored Alexa is never a good thing. I started walking around the restaurant talking to people at the other tables, admiring babies, shaking hands and sitting down with other couples… I probably looked like I was running for office or something. My brother, irritated with this (which was kind of the goal) called me back to the table and told me to sit down.

So, I did.

On Anne’s lap.

And then proceeded to give her a lap dance. Your girl can give a mean lap dance. 😏

I’ve never seen my brother eat so fast before!

His fault. I told him I didn’t want to go. Motherfucker should have listened.

Apparently, I created so much of a scene that the manager came out to talk to us, warning me that if I didn’t stop he would have to ask us to leave. I countered by asking him if he read erotica, because I happen to be an author of it and if he visited alexanichols.com he could see for himself. (Always push the merch! 😆) He didn’t even answer, he just mumbled something and walked away.

Coincidentally, I did have more sales than usual earlier…

Sigh.

I got off Anne’s lap and behaved the rest of the time, watching my brother’s face gradually return to its standard healthy pink color. It went through quite a few shades first though. 🙌

It was fun.

Anyway, I love you all.

Thanks for reading.

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

Opossums have a double-headed penis.

Hitting the ground running

Dear Diary,

It felt absolutely wondrous to jump back into the daily routine of writing. And I finished a lot of it, knocking out the yellow revision of Knocking Up The MILF, working on The Siren’s Song for a bit, and – finally – dived headfirst into Nephilim: Prisoner, the sequel to Nephilim: Daybreak. It felt so good to start it. Tomorrow cannot come quick enough so I can continue.

I also received some fantastic news from the narrator I hired to do the audiobook version of The Qedesha’s Handmaiden. She just uploaded chapters 6,7, and 8, and is currently working on 9,10, and the epilogue now. Which means in the next day or two, she’ll be completely finished. 🙌

I can’t wait!

Also, if you’re a member of my Patreon and want to check out the rough draft of Voyeur Season 1, Episode 5, you can do so here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18358393. While you’re there, you can also check out my recent post, “Why I don’t use publishing houses,” found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18359553.

Yes, I hit the ground running today!

Now if I can just quit sneezing uncontrollably, my day would be phenomenal! 😅

Until tomorrow, my loves…

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

Pigs orgasm for 30 minutes. 😳

Kinky mermaids…

Dear Diary,

I have this story I’ve been working on secretly for a while now that some of you may remember me talking about recently; what you may not know is that it’s my first ever attempt at a pure fantasy yarn with hardcore sexual elements. Not to mention a hot male/male/female (or MMM – male/male/mermaid?) relationship, something I’ve never written about. It’s hot, and my graphics team just finished the cover. The end result is this:

It’s actually finished, but I’m going to run it through my patented triple revision process just to make sure it’s exactly the way I want it. You guys know how neurotic I can be. 😅 After that? I’m giving it away to my Patreon subscribers, regardless of tier level, as a gift. It will be for sale on Amazon later next year, but they deserve things like this from time to time. 😊

Aside from the severe Tomb Raider/Skyrim-athon Anne and I subjected ourselves to today, there’s really not much to report.

Until tomorrow (bestie day!) …

#Alexa

💡 The More You Know 💡

Four popes have died during sex.

The AlexaTrain 🚆

Dear Diary,

My bladder hates me. For some reason, it decided to wake me up last night every couple of hours, right as I was hitting REM. Which is a real problem, because my creativity, enthusiasm and overall quirkiness are all intrinsically tied to the amount of sleep I get.

So, you can guess how I’m feeling today. Tired. Unfocused. Hostile. Oh, and my periods early. So basically, fuck life. 😅

If you know me at all, you know that I’m exaggerating my attitude. One day of jagged sleep isn’t going to derail the AlexaTrain, believe me. Two won’t either. Three? I’m stabbing a motherfucker in the forehead. Drastic jump, I know, but this Diary is all about full disclosure, so whatever. 🔪

Despite my slightly fuzzy outlook, I managed to get a slew of author tasks knocked out, including adding more anime chicks to my website, finishing the yellow revision of Voyeur: Season 1, Episode 5 (the season finale), getting halfway into the yellow revision of my upcoming Disney (🐭) exclusive Knocking Up The MILF, and completely finishing the rough draft of a story I’ve been keeping from everyone, The Siren’s Song. It’s fucking hot. Short, but hot. Like me! 🙌

I also posted something on my Patreon, titled My Daily Schedule, and you can check it out here as soon as you’re done reading this entry: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18282669.

Ugh. Just typing all that out makes me exhausted. I did a lot more today than I thought! 😅

Which is why I’m about to hit the shower and go to bed. I need to sleep. Badly. I don’t want to have a second day of sleeplessness, and no one wants me getting to day three. 🔪🗡🍴

Thank you for reading, loves. ❤

#Alexa

Motherfucker count: 2 (slacking today, apparently)

“Any sex outside of the marriage bond between a man and a woman is violating God’s law.”

– Jerry Falwell